Gusts of wind in excess of 80 mph have been recorded this morning at the Needles as they pass over the Isle of Wight on their way to Lesley.
We are marooned in our caravan with another hour before high tide and the sea already reaching the road just in front of us.
My gastro experience has already provoked much response including a missive from the Loose Antipodean Canon in Nigeria:
I went for a MRI scan here in Nigeria today, not as exciting as your trip to Frimley Park but a slightly amusing and embarrassing moment was walking around in a hospital garment with my ass hanging out and the MRI operator, a Muslim woman in full hajid, suggesting that I could have left my boxers on.
Earlier in the week he had communicated the following:
It’s been a bit of a difficult week as several staff have been killed by Boko Haren (Al Qaeda group in Nigeria). They also blew up 3 churches on Sunday and 300 people killed in a plane crash yesterday. The joys of Nigeria!
All I can say is the pay must be good!
After difficulty in opening yesterdays blog, The Welsh Bard came up with this warning:
The Baltzer Blog was bugged, and took its time To reach his avid fans, of whom I’m one. It wasn’t Chris’s normal ball of fun, No mix of piss-ups, plants and pantomime, But was, in truth, a nightmare tale, and I’m Alarmed to contemplate what he’s begun - I only hope that justice will be done, As he’s involved in pretty serious crime... The rain may keep on falling, nationwide, But reservoirs are empty, so it’s planned That hosepipe bans are rigorously applied – The law is firm in regions where they’re banned... Yet Chris admits he’s had a garden hose Inside his gob, and EVERYBODY KNOWS!
And after my earlier rant about the UK going to the dogs, the Welsh Bard has come up with his version of Englebert’s “Please Release Me”,
Please release him BBC, Chris won’t pay the licence fee. ITV is just as bad: Singing dogs – the world’s gone mad!
Brains have given up their beer, And coffee is their latest cheer, But whether taken black or white, It’s guaranteed to taste like shite.
Engelbert is past his prime, And that talent show’s a crime. Hump and dogs may be the rage, But Chris refuses to engage.
With acts too canine or too old, Though, if truth be really told, Selsey’s schedule is a feast Of acts that should have been released! Here’s a chance to sing along with Englebert, just substitute the words above:
Apologies to the author for the extra verse that I inserted!
The road in front of the caravan is now completely flooded and ready to run over to where we are situated and still 30 minutes until high tide.
Two weeks ago I had to attend the all too familiar Endoscopy Unit at Frimley Park hospital, this time not for “my usual” but for an introduction to the wonderful world of the esophagogastroduodenoscopy (gastroscopy) procedure.
As a seasoned colonoscopy “end-user” I was not anticipating any problems naively declining the anaesthetic and going for the throat spray only. A decision which I was soon to regret.
To say that the procedure was tortuous would be an understatement. I would have gladly have told my captors anything they wanted to know and more besides had I been able to talk. If fact had I been able to move I would have done a runner but my head was anchored to the pillow by a great big hairy hand and my legs held together by the matching set of hairy digits.
“Concentrate on your breathing, Mr. Baltzer – concentrate on your breathing and swallow”, I was told as I alternatively wretched and belched while the camera man searched clumsily for the correct passage to pump the camera. Had I not had a great big plastic mouth guard keeping my teeth apart I would have been at pains to point out that it was bloody difficult to concentrate on anything while a garden hose was being shoved down your throat!
Thirty minutes the ordeal was over and I await the results of the umpteen biopsy's that were taken.
So, by comparison, today’s cortisone injection in my shoulder was a walk in the park and having been told to rest my arm for a week I now find myself at Lesley watching a repeat of a repeat of a repeat on ITV3, wondering what to, while the rain lashes down on the caravan roof.
So I have decided to write a new blog entry and in an attempt to brighten up my entries and make it easier to think of what to write about I have decided to embark on a new series of entries entitled “Lesley’s Greatest Hits” in which I will share 10 of my favourite music tracks and associated memories in various music genres.
The first series will be “The Early Years” and, as the rain has just given way to blue skies and sunshine, will commence tomorrow.
Meanwhile here’s a preview of the latest over 60 turn to top the bill on the big Lesley stage this coming Saturday night:
Once again we returned from our travels to find that the UK has gone stark raving mad!
We come back to a heat wave and hear that “Britain’s Got Talent” was won by a bloody dog.
Then I find out that 76 year old Engelbert Humperdink, more suited to the geriatric entertainment scene at West Sands Holiday Park, was wheeled out at the Eurovision song contest and embarrassingly only just escaped coming last, providing further proof that “Britain’s Not Got Talent”.
Even worse was to follow. Football thug Joey Barton received a paltry 12 match ban following his pugnacious behaviour on the final day of the football season while the great Kevin Beattie, arguably one of the best players to ever put on an England shirt and unquestionably the best player I have ever had the privilege to watch, was convicted of benefit fraud!
And finally, Brains Brewery have finally admitted that their beer taste like urine and are opening up 30 coffee shops across South Wales. Mind you, as the Young Allotmenteer was quick to point out, their coffee will undoubtably taste like shite.
We had a great time in Portugal and Spain, just a total chill out, and the weather was really hot.
Here’s a couple of holiday photos:
The allotment has been neglected for almost 6 weeks and I have been spending a lot of my time trying to catch up on the weeding and planting ready for the 2012 Allotment competition. It looks like it will be a bumper year for fruit especially currants and berries and my apple trees are loaded with small fruit.
Meanwhile it is exciting times at the caravan park in Lesley.
Mr Bunn, the owner, is investing 17 million pounds in a coastal protection and beach improvement scheme.
Apparently ”Britain’s Not Got Rock” either and 93,000 tonnes of rock are being shipped in from Norway to create two huge breakwaters at each end of the site to protect the beach. Each will be the size of two football pitches. Then half a million tonnes of sand and shingle will be piped onto the beach.
The size of this project is massive and work continues day and night, subject to weather and tides, until September.
Once the project is finished, later this year, the site will be open for 10 months rather than the present 8 months a year.
The project is being run in parallel with the Environmental Agency’s Medmerry Realignment Scheme, between Selsey and Bracklesham in West Sussex. They are building major new sea defences inland from the coast and allowing a new intertidal area to form. It will also create important new wildlife habitat and open up new footpaths, cycleways and bridleways.
At the end of last week JG and myself embarked on another of the Welsh Bards guided tours of the back street pubs of Oxford.
Lunch this time was courtesy of HM Inspector of Taxes who had unexpectedly been very generous to the Werewolf in the refund department but not until we had first consumed several pints at various excellent hostelries.
Our first port of call was the Eagle and Child in St. Giles where C.S. Lewis and J.R.R. Tolkien used to meet and discuss all matters literary over 70 years before.
Our discussions took a rather less academic course and, following the Welsh Bards account of his meeting with a barman in the Park Tavern in Chichester who had been the Stage Manager of the West End musical "Telstar" about the life and times of record producer and manager Joe Meek, we entered into an OAP's nostalgia trip trying to remember obscure record titles of the sixties.
Especially for the Bard here's a "Reminder" compilation of videos of some of the tracks we were struggling to remember starting with Mr. Meeks favourite young chap!
The Shadows eat your heart out!
and finally a brace of classics from Bristol's answer to Tchaikovsky:-
Good grief, to think that I bought all those records!
Whether as a result of the local pressure, the CAMRA intervention, the House of Commons letterhead, the fear of more adverse publicity or the grey haired old fart with the pony tail, The Fox has been saved!
In truth I expect it was a combination of all these factors but I would like to think that the chairman of Greene King, Mr. Tim Bridge, a lifelong Ipswich Town fan and therefore a generally damned good bloke, stepped in at the eleventh hour to kick the stupid “Meet and Eat” plan into touch.
Drinkers happy with pub compromise
By Tim Harris March 22, 2012 DRINKERS at an historic pub in Farnborough have won the battle in a campaign against plans to turn it into a modern food pub. The Fox, in Chapel Lane, had been earmarked by Greene King, the brewery which owns the pub, to be changed into a ‘meet and eat.’
This proposal met with fierce opposition from regulars who drink in The Fox.
It is now believed however, the Suffolk brewery has opted not to go ahead with the plans, and instead reached a compromise with the pub.
Maureen Binstead, landlady at The Fox, said: “I phoned and asked what was happening, and they said that they were not going to make it into a meet and eat.
“It is all we wanted really, it has come as a big relief for everybody – the customers are over the moon.
“It will stay as The Fox, it will stay as a central part of the community.
“The main thing for everybody is to leave The Fox as it was, and that is exactly what Greene King are proposing”
It is understood that Greene King asked for a number of small compromises, which includes a door linking the two separate bars of The Fox, and for the pub to serve some food, including snacks, including sandwiches and pies.
“We would like to give them credit – at the end of the day, they have been really good about it,” added Maureen.
“They did listen to us, Greene King listened to what the customers wanted.
“They have done what we wanted, and done what they can to help us out.”
Ms Binstead said she will be staying on as landlady, and will have further discussions with Greene King about the future of the pub.
The brewery itself would not officially confirm or deny the decision.
A spokesman for Greene King said: “We have taken on board the views of the locals and are currently working with the existing licensee on solutions for the Fox.
Interesting that, in light of what I said at the meeting, Maureen has been asked to serve pies and just put a door between the two bars. No doubt we can ensure that it is always locked!
My good friend from Cardiff, who wishes to remain anonymous for fear of jeopardising his GK pension, offered this in celebration:
A Tim Bridge Too Far.
The battle has been fought and won, The brewery’s been outFoxed at last; Now "Meet and Eat" is Dead and Gone, And Chris and co can carry on, As, happily, the danger’s past.
A close run thing, young Baltzer claims - A victory for common sense. Green King admits their fun and games Must cease – against so many names, And one MP, there’s no defence.
The tenant’s had to compromise, But IPA will flow, no doubt, And there’ll be peace if Mo supplies A door, and Baltzer gets his pies With mustard, and, at times, without!
So the Fox stays as a "Meet and Drink", at least until the next young upwardly mobile marketing hopeful comes up with a sooper new idea!
Now that I’ve got Portugal out of my system I can concentrate on the serious business of having a good old rant about Greene King and their plans to ruin my local pub, shown here, in all it’s glory:
The day we moved in to our first house in Farnborough, nearly 42 years ago, we waited, and waited for the removal van to arrive from Ipswich. In had been due at 11.00 am but by one o’clock it still hadn’t arrived – no mobile phones in those days. I had had enough and decided to find the nearest pub before closing time, then 2.00 pm. I found the Fox, was immediately made welcome, and I have been drinking there ever since.
Having spent the first 24 years of my life in Suffolk, The Fox was a home from home. Exactly what I had been used to; a spit and sawdust for the blokes and a posh for when you take your wife or girlfriend out , and when I say posh I mean slightly more comfortable than the public. It had an old fashioned off licence attached and when the local store started to sell alcohol the landlady started to sell groceries!
The Fox is pretty much the same today as it was then except the off licence has gone. It is the community centre. If you want something done, want to borrow a van, need a helping hand with some repair or just a shoulder to cry on, you go to the Fox.
Just before we left for Portugal, two suited and booted young area managers from Greene King were dispatched by Greene King senior management to unveil the plans for the pub and win over the locals.
The lounge bar was packed to capacity. There were even local councillors, representatives from CAMRA and the local press.
The plan was, they proudly explained, to knock down the wall between the Public and the Lounge bars, provide extra tables and seating and serve an extensive range of hot and cold food. The Fox was to become one of Greene Kings “Meet and Eat” establishments.
We were assured that the company had done it’s market research and there was a real demand for this type of outlet. Further, the pub would not lose its’ community image in fact it would improve it.
Bollocks!
I was angry, and was quick to point out a few facts to them:
Yes you may have counted the chimney pots but that doesn’t mean a thing if the people underneath those chimney pots don’t have a pot to piss in!
Further, the day you knock down the wall between the two bars the pub will die a death. Any “hooray henrys” dropping in for a “spot of lunch” or a “lite bite” will be met with a head butt and they might find it difficult to eat with no teeth.
No one objects to the pub serving food, in fact, when I first entered the pub, all those years ago, food was served and there was a choice
Pork Pie with Mustard and Pork Pie without Mustard
Yes the pub needs money spending on it, of course it does.You haven’t spent a penny on it since you inherited it as part of the Moorlands takeover in 1999.
I could have gone on but I was not the only angry person present and after a barrage of questions, reasons as to why the plan would not work and much abuse, the still defiant young suits exited stage left, rather swiftly, after first buying every one present a drink. A gesture that I am sure they only did to ensure that they got out alive.
What is also disgraceful is how the Greene King have gone about the plan. The landlady who initially took over for a trial period, has signed a one year tenancy and moved into the pub with her family, had not been party to the plans until brewery men turned up to measure up the pub. She has 3 dogs and 4 cats so therefore doesn’t feature in the plans unless she parts with her pets. She and her family run the pub and there are no outside bar staff. It is a real family, community pub and always has been.
What Greene King are proposing just won’t work and the pub, MY PUB, will die Since the meeting the Farnborough News published this front page article:
Pub should stay for 'drinkers, not diners'
By Tim Harris
February 24, 2012
A BREWERY’S plan to turn an historic Farnborough pub into a ‘meet and eat’ has been met with anger by regulars.
Suffolk brewery Greene King, which owns The Fox, in Chapel Lane, recently announced proposals to change it into a modern food pub.
A spokesman from Greene King said: “The Fox has been identified as a potential pub for investment as a Greene King Meet & Eat community pub.
“We are currently evaluating the feasibility of this project and, whilst plans have been drawn up, there is no firm decision in place yet.”
Representatives from the brewery attended a meeting in The Fox last Thursday, where they faced fierce opposition to the brewery’s plans.
One drinker said: “This [pub] may be the boil on the backside of Greene King, but it is our boil.”
Another argued: “We come in here to relax, to have a few beers – we do not want food here.”
Customers in the pub said they felt this was the wrong area for a ‘meet and eat’ and believe it would not only lose trade, but also not attract new customers.
Regulars in the pub have compiled a petition against the Greene King proposal, which has nearly 600 signatures on it.
Some residents said they have been drinking in The Fox for years, and in some cases, more than half a century.
Andy Blackman, spokesman for the pub, said: “It is a very, very bad idea. The people who drink in this pub do not want it to be turned into an eatery. They want their pub to stay as a pub.”
More than 60 people crowded into The Fox to give their opinions to the representatives from Greene King.
The two area managers sent by the brewery stood at the back of the room, surrounded by a hoard of protesters.
They said The Fox would at some point have a ‘limited life-spell’.
“There are levels in the life-cycle,” said Mike O’Connor, of Greene King. “What we are looking at is at some point we have a limited life-spell at The Fox. We are at a crossroads, for pubs in general.”
According to customers in The Fox, the pub had been failing during recent years, until landlady Maureen Binstead took over last March.
Mrs Binstead was initially given the pub on a temporary basis, before being handed a year’s tenancy in September 2011.
Fifty-eight-year-old Mrs Binstead said: “My granddad used to drink here, obviously there is a lot of sentiment to do with The Fox for me.
“It is a special pub, it has been the heart of this village for many, many years.”
Drinkers in The Fox gave support to Ms Binstead during last week’s meeting, where on more than one occasion, the entire room applauded the landlady.
“Maureen has turned it around,” said Mr Blackman. “A year ago, when the pub was failing, Maureen has gone in there and turned the pub around.
“Please allow Maureen to do what she needs to do to this pub.
It is believed The Fox has been a public house since 1886, and the Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) has argued it is the last remaining ‘traditional drinkers’ pub in Farnborough.
Paul Cowper, of CAMRA, said: “They [Greene King] should leave it as it is. It is the only drinking pub in Farnborough now.
“From what I have seen down there, the Fox is very special, it is a traditional drinkers’ pub.”
While we were away a 600 signature petition has been presented to the brewery by CAMRA. Two directors from Greene King have visited the pub and my old mate Gerald Howarth MP, following discussions with local councillors, locals and the landlady, has taken up the case and written to Simon Longbottom, the Managing Director of Greene King, urging them to reconsider.
MP backs bid to keep pub for 'drinkers'
By Tim Harris
March 13, 2012
FARNBOROUGH and Aldershot MP Gerald Howarth has backed a campaign against a brewery's plan to alter an historic pub.
Suffolk brewery Greene King, which owns The Fox, in Chapel Lane, Farnborough, recently announced proposals to change it into a modern food pub, called a 'meet & eat'.
Representatives from the brewery visited The Fox in February to outline the plans, and talk to people in the pub.
The draft plans have met almost unanimous opposition from all involved with The Fox, and Mr Howarth has written to Greene King, suggesting the brewery listen to users of the pub.
His letter said: “I have been approached by a number of constituents who are very concerned about Greene King's proposals to turn The Fox into a 'meet & eat' community pub, or gastro pub.
“When I visited the pub, I was told that the representatives of Greene King were not particularly sympathetic to the overwhelming views expressed to them.
“It seems to me that your company would be well advised to respond positively to the concerns which have been expressed.”
Regulars in The Fox said they do not want the pub to be changed, and believe a 'meet & eat' is the wrong style of pub for the area, and its clientele.
A petition against the Greene King proposal has around 600 signatures on it.
The Welsh Bard, a former employee of Greene King, has come with this:
THE FOX ON THE RUN
It’s time to shut your mobile phones, And stop those noisy clocks! Let’s have some peace for Baltzer’s moans About his local Fox. The troubles of the world are his, And all because Greene King Have plans to grow their local biz And food’s the latest thing.
Yes, Chris, this is the gastro-age, So that’s the way it goes, And many pubs have reached the stage – It’s food or else they close. Though I’m with you on this one, Chris, I feel I ought to mention Don’t count on me to take the piss... The brewery pays my pension!
And anyway, the fact remains, That we’re all grumpy now – In Cardiff, Brains have lost their brains, And soon our local Plough Will undergo the self-same fate, As beer makes way for grub... In Cardiff, as in Cove, old mate, They’re killing off the pub!
He is right of course, but it’s fingers crossed until a final decision is made, which is expected any day soon.
WATCH THIS SPACE.
Meanwhile back in Lesley the caravan season is in full swing. Already wheeled out on stage have been the Searchers and the Manfreds, which leads me nicely into:
On returning from Portugal I find that the country has gone to the dogs. Wales luckily defeat England at Twickenham, Boro extend their winning streak to six games only to be deducted 5 points by the FA for financial irregularities, the Welsh minnows Swansea beat the mighty Manchester City, whose players sitting on the bench are valued at more than the total assets of South Wales, and then, against all the odds, the young inexperienced Lions of England defeat the Frogs on their own patch. Worst of all, Greene King, the brewery that changed their spots overnight from being a sleepy rural brewery in West Suffolk to a giant organisation hell bent on ruining the great English pub and beer tradition, have unveiled grandiose plans to convert The Fox, yes MY Fox!, to one of their pathetic “Greet and Eat” tart’s palaces!!! And to cap it all our illustrious leader David Cameron has flown to America to meet with Mr. President, supposedly to plan their “End Game” in Afghanistan, but, with wife in tow, is swanning around in Airforce One watching grown men playing netball and what pearls of wisdom has he managed so far? "He (Obama) is going to teach me how to fill in my brackets”.and “Barack Obama has pressed the reset button on the moral authority of the entire free world.” God help us! I have to ask myself, “Why did I come back home?” Which leads me back to our holiday. We stayed in Fuzeta, a tiny fishing village situated in the East of the Algarve, in between Faro and Tavira, about 30km from the Spanish border and it was wonderful. Fuzeta has two beaches. The first is a small beach on a lagoon in the town itself and is part of the Ria Formosa nature reserve which runs from Faro to Tavira. The other beach is just across the lagoon on Ilha de Armona, accessible by ferry, extending left and right with miles of Atlantic sandy beach. There are no hotels, no fancy bars, posh restaurant or theme pubs. No frills, just a few small street bars cafes, a daily indoor fish, meat and vegetable market and a couple of mini-markets. Being out of season it was very quiet and peaceful with very few tourists. The locals were very friendly and everything is ridiculously cheap, (litre of white wine 1 euro), and we brought back half of our euros. There’s no bus service but an excellent rail link that runs right along the coast from Lagos in the west to Villa Real San Antonio on the Spanish border passing through Fuzeta. The apartment we hired was superb, overlooking the lagoon and the nature reserve but only 10 minutes walk to the railway station, village square, beach and quayside.
Nothing much happens during the day, the odd fishing boat comes and goes, and even less happens at night – except on Wednesdays!
On our first Wednesday evening we were sitting in a small bar on the quay called Bar O’Farol, basically an octagonal wooden hut, when the back doors were flung open and two burly locals started unloading drums, amplifiers, speakers and microphone stands. Live music we thought, in Fuzeta, surely not. A scruffy local playing acoustic guitar perhaps, but not full electric band. About half an hour later four long haired youths turned up and started tuning up their guitars and drums. The bar started to fill up and in another half hour an elder guy arrived with two guitars and joined the group. We had seen him on several occasions walking his dog around the side streets. It turns out that he is a top Portugese rock musician, born and still living in Fuzeta. His name is Domingos Caetano and is the lead singer and guitarist of a band called Iris. A few years ago he obtained a grant from the government to convert the disused cinema into a music academy and recording studio and aspiring young musicians from all over the Algarve come to the school for tuition. So every Wednesday Domingos takes a few of his pupils to Bar O’Farol to give them the chance to play to a live audience. By the time Domingos gets to the microphone the bar is packed. “Hello, Hello, Hello, Is there anybody out there? Just nod if you can hear me, Is there anyone home?” Well, I had to pinch myself. Here we were in the sleepiest little backwater listening to live Pink Floyd music. And bloody good it was too. Domingos is an extremely talented musician and did most of the singing. He plays lead on the opening number then reverts to the bass or drums and leaves it to his young charges to take the leads. What a great night, three hours of wall to wall Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, Dire Straits and much more. Needless to say we were back for more the following Wednesday. Here’s Domingos and Friends performing at Bar O’Farols:
As the first month of 2012 is coming to an end I thought it was about time that I put fingers to keyboard and wish everyone a happy New Year.
As some of you know since my last entry in October we have been away quite a lot.
First we went to Cyprus, in November, to visit the Gilberts in Paphos including a week of doing absolutely nothing on the beach at Coral Bay. In fact I spent most of the week soaking up the sun and looking at my feet!
Paphos is a very easy going and relaxed place to live. For some locals however, it appears to be too boring – see this article from the Cyprus Mail of November 17th 2011.
Man Jailed for blasting co-worker’s rectum with air compressor
A CARPENTER’S assistant blasted pressurised air up his friend’s rectum, rupturing his large intestine, “because he was seeking a pleasant change that would break the monotony of hard work”, a Nicosia court has heard.
The foreign EU national, a 31 year old father of two, was jailed for 45 days last week after admitting that in October last year he had seriously injured his friend who required surgery and a lengthy stay in hospital to recover.
“The defendant’s idea to administer pressurised air into his friend’s anus is indeed original and in reality the thought of it provokes laughter, but putting the idea into practice ended up in tragedy for the victim and perpetrator,” the court said.
In the words of my dear old Mum, “Well I never, whatever next?” Indeed the mind boggles.
Moving swiftly on, at the beginning of December I met up again with the Welsh Bard. Together with John Garner, an old chum and colleague, we spent the day with Evans Above in a selection of pubs in Oxford. It was the first time the three of us had had a drink together for the best part of 35 years and a thoroughly good time was had by all.
At Christmas we spent three days with the family, staying at Lorna’s over the festive period before having 5 one night stays along the South coast, calling at Brighton, Eastbourne, Hastings and Rye finishing with New Years Eve back in Hastings.
Most notable was sharing a restaurant with John Altman (Nick Cotton from Eastenders) who was starring as the Sheriff of Nottingham in the Eastbourne pantomime, a very confusing hour trying to make sense out of an Andy Warhol exhibition at the De la Warr Pavillion in Bexhill (why are these “paintings so valuable?”) -
and a much more interesting hour at an exhibition of original cartoons and scenes by the late John Ryan creator of Captain Pugwash, Harris Tweed Special Agent, Lettice Leefe and Sir Prancealot etc, at the Rye Art Gallery.
If you ever find yourself in Eastbourne looking for somewhere to stay, try this:
It’s very modern in design, comfortable, cheap and the bar is open all night. The only downside is that it is owned by film actor John Malkovitch and there is a photograph of him above the bed in every room of the hotel. He is weird at the best of times but this photo was not taken on one of his good days.
Relating these experiences to the Welsh bard inspired this response:
Baltzer is one of those loons Whose mornings, and some afternoons, Are spent on the plot, And when they are not, He studies the phases of moons. But, though he’s a crazy old fart, He’s concealing a cultural heart... He apparently swoons Over Pugwash cartoons, And claims Andy Warhol’s not art. He’s not Brian Sewell, for sure, But the art world deserves to hear more, And soon we may see ChrisB on TV... So that’s what the pony tail’s for!
Finally, earlier this month we had a week in Malta staying all-inclusive in a hotel in Bugibba.
Never again! I have never eaten or drunk so much in my life. Suffice to say that on the first evening in the restaurant when asked whether we would like a drink, I asked for a red wine and a white wine and was promptly delivered a bottle of each!
Amazingly the first person I bumped into at the hotel bar was a friend and drinking partner from the Farnborough area, Alan Hope, better known as Howlin Laud Hope, leader of the Monster Raving Loony Party.
You may have seen him on TV or in the newspapers, if not, here's Alan:
The day before we returned I wrote this ode which I intended as an electronic postcard to be fired off into interweb, but in common with most of the Maltese infrastructure, the internet connection at and around our hotel was useless and my email access was limited to the North East corner of the hotel roof but only with a prevailing Westerly wind.
So I publish it here:
A WEEK IN BUGIBBA
I write for you, this latest missive, From my Maltese All-Inclusive, Through an alcoholic mist, In truth I must confess I’m pissed.
When entering the hotel bar, On the first day, for an early jar, Who should I see so hale and hearty. But Howlin Laud Hope of the Loony Party!
The hotel’s full, the joint is jumpin’, There’s entertainment, music thumpin’, All here with just the one intention, To join the OAP’s convention.
There’s Jocks and Germans, Ecky Thumpers, In baggy shorts and woolly jumpers, They’re all so fat, a bunch of throwbacks, A recipe for fatal heart attacks.
Three meals a day, all you can eat, Soup, pasta, every kind of meat, Salad, fish and then to follow, Puds and custard, plates of gateaux.
There’s Stella, Cisk, all you can drink, Fine wine, liqueurs and shorts to sink. My stomach’s bursting, kidneys ache, I’ve had as much as I can take,
So no more lager or cheap Bordeaux, Goodbye brandy and ameretto, Tomorrow we’ll be flying back, Must leave you now, it’s time to pack.
Home to Blighty’s peace and quiet, An ending to our “See-Food” diet, It’s fish and salads all the way, Then down the Fox at close of play!
We're off to Portugal for 2 weeks on February 20th and I wonder who I will bump into there.
This week I have started reaquainting myself with my plot which, apart from the odd visit to dig up parsnips, leeks and swedes, has been totally neglected since last October.
Hopefully the snow will stay away and I can spend a few hours a day clearing the weeds and digging it over. Unfortunately I am severely hampered by my right shoulder, an old injury, which has been playing up to such an extent that I have been referred to physio at the hospital.
Which reminds me I must close now and do my daily exercises!
Here's a little bit of Pugwash history to finish with:
