The Curse of the Blue Armband

We are but four days into our latest adventure in Sri Lanka with three and half all inclusive days still remaining and already the waistbands are being tested to their limits. Even the newly purchased elastic waisted trousers are feeling the strain.

The Hotel is set in a 22 acre site surrounded on three sides by a mangrove lagoon/lake and on the fourth side by the beach and sea. Once a year the road along the front is dug up to join the lagoon/lake to the sea allowing flood water from the monsoons to run out to sea and access to the hotel is by boat.

The accommodation is in bungalows set out around the banks of the lake.

The wild life (birds, water monitors, chipmunks etc) is amazing, and yesterday we saw a sea eagle hovering overhead.

More to follow .....................

Don't waste water - wash in Watneys!

Since my last entry, over two months ago, I don't seem to have had a minutes free time.

In February we visited Cyprus for three weeks and on our return the Prospect plot more resembled a paddy field than an allotment.

But after much hard work, either side of a weeks break in Corfu, it is now back on course and, dare I say, a little ahead of the game!

More and more of my friends have turned to "growing their own" so I thought, by way of a change and to give the Welsh Bard more material, to include some up to date gardening tips and recipes  to my forthcoming blogs.

Here are two tips for your tomatoes.

Tomato Tip 1

It would appear that aspirin is not only good for headaches and lowering blood pressure in humans.

According to James Wong, the ethnobotanist and BBC television presenter of Grow Your Own Drugs fame, spraying a very dilute aspirin solution on your tomato and strawberry plants can increase their growth and tolerance to pests & diseases, double the sweetness of their fruits and raise their Vitamin C content by 50%. Apparently, how this works is that the salicylic acid found in aspirin is the ingredient that helps the tomato plants ward off different diseases.

Simply dissolve a quarter of an un-coated 300g aspirin in a one litre of water and spray your plants once a month. Also soaking sweet corn seeds in the same solution prior to sowing will have the similar effect.

Tomato Tip 2

Another tip for growing sweeter tomatoes is to  sprinkle a small amount baking soda on the soil around your tomato plants being careful not to get the soda on the plant itself. The theory is that the baking soda absorbs into the soil and lowers the acidity levels.

So not only will you have to remember to take your own medication you will now have to ensure your plants have theirs!

One major problem with growing your own, especially on an open allotment, is that  having battled against every pest and disease known to man, including in my case the dreaded foxes and their cubs, fruit and vegetables have a habit of all maturing at once and you finish up with gluts of particular produce throughout the season. Remember last years cougette saga!

So I am always looking out for different ways to cook and preserve the fruits of my labours.

Currently it is Rhubarb Glut time.

So here is an interesting (but as yet untried) recipe for Spicy Rhubarb Chutney which apparently is spectacular with pork:

Spicy Rhubarb Chutney - Makes 6 x ½ pints 

2½ lbs. rhubarb, trimmed and sliced thin (about 8 cups)

1¼ cup brown sugar 
¾ cup honey 
1 cup apple cider vinegar 
½ cup chopped onion 
1 cup raisins, chopped (a food processor works great) 
1½ Tb. grated fresh ginger (or 2 tsp. dry) 
1 tsp. ground cinnamon
½ tsp. ground allspice 

1 tsp. sea salt 
1 to 1½ tsp. red pepper flakes

1. Combine all the ingredients in a 6 or 8-quart stainless steel pot. Stir well and bring to a boil over high heat. Reduce heat to a simmer (a very gentle boil) and cook, uncovered, until thick, about 30 minutes. Stir occasionally, and more towards the end as the chutney is thickening.
2. While the mixture cooks, prepare six 1/2-pint jars (or three pints) and keep hot until needed..
3. When the chutney is cooked, ladle into 1 jar at a time, leaving 1/4-inch headspace, wiping the rim with a damp cloth, and attaching the lid. Fill and close remaining jars.
4. Refrigerate any jars and use within 3 to 4 weeks. 

March heralded the first get together of the year in Oxford and the intrepid "OAP Trio" took in three new pubs (as well as two regulars) in their quest to conquer the Oxford Heritage Beer trail.

 ONLY 14 to go! Which equates to nearly a year and a half!

 The Welsh Bard celebrated our half way point by putting fingers to keyboard:

It’s Oxford, and the lads are on the sauce:
They find the rain’s not only on the Plain,
And, as they hurry damply for the train,
They dive for cover in the old White Horse.

And there, beneath a photograph of Morse,
They vow to see the dreaming spires again,
(But hopefully in sunshine, not in rain!)
For yet unconquered pubs they’ll set a course…

Around the Cape, they’ll travel by the Moon,
Investigating boozers near and far;
What better way to spend an afternoon
Than academic fieldwork, bar to bar.

I’d like to think researches such as these
Will be rewarded, maybe by degrees!

Earlier this month, as a way of a change, we met again to sample the delights of the pubs of Chichester and came across this reminder of how bad beer was in the 60's and 70's.

 On Wednesday we're off to Cyprus again and as I look out of the caravan window at Selsey's finest wind and rain, knowing that the temperatures in Pafos are already in the mid 70's and rising, I can't wait to get there.

In case you were wondering about the title of this entry, I encountered it above the sink of my room in The Castle Hotel in Tredegar during the water shortage of 1976 so before I leave you here's another reminder of the UK's first keg beer and what it used to do to the unfortunates who drank it! :

Hey Ho!

Where have all the sit-coms gone?

Not to mention all the dramas and plays.

What has happened to TV in this country? There are 8 prime TV channels, if you include BBC3, BBC4 and ITV2, not to mention countless free-view and satellite channels to choose from but night after night it's a struggle to find anything worth watching!

No wonder more and more people are retreating to channels like ITV3, ITV4 and Drama to watch reruns of reruns of reruns.

Looking back to when there was only two channels and there never seemed to be a lack of programs worth watching then.
 

The highlight of last Monday night's viewing was seeing if I could answer more than 3 questions on University Challenge! What does that say about UK TV? (or possibly of more relevance, my intelligence level).

The BBC don't help themselves! This week a well produced and watchable police drama set in the mid 1950's entitled WPC56, a cross between Heartbeat and The Bill, has been running every day at 2.15pm. How many people can watch that? Why not show at prime time?

Current viewing box technology allows you to watch and/or record up to three programs simultaneously. Why? You are lucky to find one!

Last night was a prime example - saved only by an excellent final episode of the vastly underrated Benidorm. The script writers for this should receive a BAFTA and the brilliant Madge an Oscar.



But, with the probable exception of a re-run of the Christmas Special, it won't be on again until next year.

We used to have a tradition in this country for producing brilliant sit-coms.

The list is impressive:

The Army Game
Till Death Us Do Part
On the Buses
Dad's Army    
The Liver Birds
Please, Sir!
It Ain't Half Hot Mum
The Rag Trade
Steptoe and Son
Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em
The Likely Lads
Love Thy Neighbour
Only Fools and Horses    
Blackadder    
Vicar of Dibley    
Fawlty Towers    
Yes Minister    
Porridge    
Rising Damp
Open All Hours    
Hi-De-Hi
The Good Life    
One Foot in the Grave    
Father Ted
'Allo 'Allo!
Last of the Summer Wine
Men Behaving Badly
Absolutely Fabulous
The Royle Family
Are You Being Served?
The Young Ones

It goes on and on, but where are they now? With the odd exception like Mrs. Brown's Boys, nowhere in sight.

Are there no good comedy writers out there or are they more interested in writing and performing their own material?  

With the BBC, still trying to recover from the Jimmy Saville and Stuart Hall scandals, and in financial chaos, all they can concentrate on is saving money by making cuts. They have already succeeded in "de-localising" local radio to the extent that it is no longer worth tuning in to and now seem set on the demise of TV.

Very little money is made available for any new productions but surely it can't be that expensive. It's not rocket science - start with a successful formula, say Hi-de-Hi, bring it into the 20th century, assemble a small but top class cast and writing team and bingo - what have you got - Benidorm! It's crude and not very subtle but it makes you laugh.

Thank heavens for Radio 4,enjoy it before they ruin that too!

With four BBC TV channels to chose from and so few programs worth watching the solution to their financial problems seems simple to me. Cherry pick the best of BBC2, 3 and 4 and merge with the news and current affairs of BBC1 and re-market as one channel, BBC TV.  Next, clear out three quarters of the massively top heavy management structure and encourage the creative people to come up with the goods. Then perhaps we can start enjoying TV again. 

Thank goodness for ITV and Benidorm!

If you haven't seen the Christmas Special and you've got 50 minutes to spare:

 

BACK IN THE U.S., BACK IN THE U.S., BACK IN THE U.S.S.R.

Well,  back in the UK actually, but it feels more like Siberia. 

After most of December in Cyprus, a brief return for Christmas and New Year, followed by January in Tenerife we have returned home to the torrential rain and wind of the UK.

And we are NOT liking it!

Whilst in Cyprus Janice celebrated her birthday but before we left we had a pre-birthday outing with the girls:

 

 

The birthday celebrations in Cyprus were much more sedentary:

We had never been to The Canary Islands before but we had a great time in Tenerife. We were staying in an area called Golf del Sur, surprisingly enough surrounded by lush green golf courses running right up to the edge of the cliffs.

Our apartment/hotel overlooked San Miguel Marina and the view from our large balcony was "The B's Knees"! 
 

and we were able to enjoy the sunrise and the sunset everyday:

Ex colleague John Garner and his wife Andea were staying up the road so we had three enjoyable days in their company:

Everywhere was surprisingly inexpensive particularly the beer, as low as 95 cents a pint in some places. 

 

We discovered a proper family run Irish Bar, Aries, a few minutes walk around cliffs which served excellent food and had a "Happy Hour" from 9.00am until 6.00pm! Estrella Special is €1 a pint and Cava is €1.50 a glass. Happy indeed!

 
They had Leapy Lee, of Little Arrows fame, living just up the road and he performed there every Tuesday night:
 


In order to stay"Happy" I always find it advisable to follow the "Happy Hours" and fortunately there was a bar next to the hotel with a 6pm to 8pm happy window. We arrived one evening to find much arguing and shouting. The shop owner next door, an excitable Argentinian lady, had started building a wall between the premises, something that she was not allowed to do. Then it started to get messy! The gardia turned up and attempted to cool down the situation. Eventually, with the block wall still half built, everybody drifted away.That night the waiter from the restaurant on the other side of the shop kicked the blocks down and bricked up the door to the shop!

All in all it was a brilliant three weeks - here are some more of the highlights: 

There were only two major problems - I put on a stone in weight and we definitely weren't ready to come home:

I'll leave you with this:

 

Hey Ho!

Big Foul at Little Spurs

Fleet Spurs is a local football club formed in 1948 in homage to the Tottenham Hotspur by a group of young footballers playing friendly matches in the Fleet and Aldershot area.

They were admitted into the Aldershot and District League in 1951. They currently play in the Wessex League Division 1.


As well as a senior team and reserve side Fleet Spurs run more than 20 boys and girls teams.


My son-in-law, many of my friends and our grandson Ryan, pictured here proudly wearing his club jacket, play or have played for Fleet Spurs.

They are a true community grass roots club encouraging youngsters to play the game from the age of 5 years and upwards and many of the first team players have graduated through from the youth set up.

They have an excellent ground and facilites at Kennels Lane in Southwood with one full side pitch and 7 junior, 5-a-side and training pitches.



The club badge has always featured a cockerel on a ball, the same as the North London side, the rising stars of English football at the time of Fleet Spurs formation.

And that my friends is where the trouble begins.

Europa League giants Tottenham Rotspurs , who only registered their logo in 2006, have called in top lawers in order to bully Fleet Spurs into changing their badge and signage or risk being sued for copyright infringement:

http://www.gethampshire.co.uk/sport/football/news/fleet-spurs-fc-plea-premier-6327857
The club will now hold a competition among their supporters to find a new logo.

My entry also includes changing the name of the club!

What a load of old cockerel!  Lighten up Rotspurs.

Heres Boris doing what comes naturally to him:



NICE ONE CYRIL!

They should have asked Evans!

With nothing much of note happening since our return from Spain, no activity at "The Plot" other than the harvesting of leeks, parsnips and carrots, (including this mutant specimen pictured below comprising 17 individual roots joined at the hip which so far has accompanied 6 in-house roast dinners!) and the impending closure of our caravan at Lesley, I have little or no material to transform into a blog entry.

I have therefore decided to take the opportunity to feature the poetic genius of my good friend Paul Evans, AKA The Welsh Bard, if nothing other than to cheer him up after a weekend that saw England cruise home against Argentina and Whales turning out to be full of blubber against South Africa.

The first offering was included in a letter to First Great Western following a long delayed journey back to Cardiff and the way his compensation claim was handled:

Dear Ms Thomas,

You may be too young to recall the Dvorak melody I’ve rewritten here:

Passengers who dare complain about the lateness of the train
Will find that First Great Western’s not so great:
Claim procedures now employed will make complainants more annoyed
Than broken loos, or being two hours late.

The 8.15 was just a joke – it crept as far as Royal Oak,
And limped back in to Paddington again;
Then, just before the midnight chime, we got to Cardiff, way past time…
I set my compensation claim in train.

This was, I found, a total con: at first they tried to try it on
By telling me the train was not so late.
A month went by, and I could tell the ghost of Isambard Brunel
Had long since left the system he made Great!

In future I will use the bus – it’s slower but a lot less fuss…
But now I think I’ll use the train again.
The voucher came and changed my thoughts: the sum contains a lot more noughts,
And now I’d be an idiot to complain!

On Cardiff Citys famous win over Manchester City:

Promotion’s a pain in the neck:
It brings this reality check.
They said City’d lose
To the Manchester Blues,
That Sky would be screening a wreck!

Pundits smiled as the Blues went ahead;
The Bluebirds would crumble, they said.
But Malky just skipped
The rest of that script…
Now they’re painting the capital Red!

With a mix of good fortune and skill
Cardiff have climbed a big hill…
Man City were stuffed,
But they’re even more chuffed
As the Jacks are still bottom, on nil!

Next an offering commemorating my fishing exploits at Lesley:

So Baltzer’s been angling – what larks,
Out, so he says, hunting sharks…
But Chris must be thic:
What he holds in that pic
Is a dogfish – he’ll know when it barks!

Some others were massive, I bet
And gave him a tussle, and yet
His friends are agreed
What he caught had a lead,
And used to be somebody’s pet!

Now fans of his stories all wish
That he’d stick to his regular dish:
For once, Baltzer’s blog’s
Gone to the dogs,
So Chris, give us veggies, not fish!

This one following my post of the highlights of the long awaited opening game of the season for Farnborough in the Skrill Conference South:

Last night on the telly, nil-nil
Wasn’t exactly a thrill;
So I went back on line
Where the highlights are fine –
There’s much to enjoy in the Skrill!

A bit far to travel, I think,
But I’d certainly take to the drink
When each game was over
If I had to watch Dover,
Who really are shocking in pink!

On the power struggle at Cardiff City FC:

     The Beautiful Game – out on a Lim

It’s been this way since time began –
Means, not manners, maketh man;
And this applies to Vincent Tan,
Whose money made the City…

He does a thing because he can,
So, if he has some crazy plan
To put his mate from Kazakhstan
In charge, it may be shitty...

But power corrupts, and every fan
Believes that, by the end of Jan
His team will be an also-ran…
Life’s tough, and never pretty.

Now that Malky depends on the whim
Of Tanman, and Stanman and Lim,
His beautiful game
May not be the same…
In fact, it’s exceedingly grim!
The light in his tunnel is dim,
There can be no option for him:
His dream’s had its day –
He’ll have to give way
To Tanman and Stanman and Lim!

In celebration of my Allotment Gold:

Let us raise the loudest cheer
To Chris, the Gold Allotmenteer:
A man whose hopes began to wilt,
After years of Silver Gilt.

But here he is, a man supreme –
In Rushmooor, he has creamed the cream,
And now he’s made the title, let’s
(For now) forget the man’s courgettes…

Or, was it this ginormous crop
That made the panel place him top?
Let’s hope that Rushmoor judges are
Less venal, or a new Qatar
May rear its ugly head, and Chris
Will lose his gold because of this…
But Rushmoor judges, Baltzer claims,
Won’t take courgettes to boost his aims.

And, cynic that I am, I ask
How he achieved this epic task.
If he’s on hols so often, how
Did he achieve this honour now?

But let us raise the loudest cheer
To Chris, the Gold Allotmenteer.
And let us hope he’ll buy some drinks
To celebrate what Rushmoor thinks!

Following the latest expedition of the Gleesome Threesome, John, Paul and Chris, in their quest to find undiscovered side street pubs in Oxford came this:

From time to time we travel far
To join an Oxford seminar:
We see the handles in the bar
As signposts to our lives…

Though our research is popular,
We register the way we are
By analysing every jar –
Our comments cut like knives…

Then later, by the evening star,
And feeling slightly under par,
We travel home – by train, not car –
To understanding wives.

Baltzer, Evans, Garner, who
Will do whatever men must do
To find themselves another brew,
Discover, at their age that life’s confusing…

As there, on Oxford’s North Parade,
(Where BNP once plied their trade)
Their optimism starts to fade…
They find a brew that isn’t meant for boozing!

I’m sure that Brew will do ok,
But what they had in mind that day
Is not what Brew had on display…
But they admit the name is quite amusing!

And this, written for a young hopeful working behind the bar in the Plough in Whitchurch, off to Oxford to commence his studies:

It has no ancient dreaming spires,
And cynics say there are no books
Upon the shelves at Oxford Brookes…
But Oxford cynics can be liars.

The city harbours rare delights,
So use the bus, or buy a bike…
You’re bound to find a lot to like
To fill your ‘academic’ nights:
Beneath the bells of Barnabas
In Jericho, begin your tour.
You’ll find a tavern that’s Obscure,
And others more salubrious!

Just up the road two Gardeners stand,
And paradise, where town and gown
Combine to make the Rose and Crown
The finest boozer ever planned!
Go south towards the city now,
Past Lamb and Flag, and Royal Oak;
Across the street is where that bloke
Gave Bilbo Baggins his first bow.

Then, all at once, you’re on a High,
And dreaming spires are everywhere…
Locate the Turf, the Kings, the Bear,
And pray that none is running dry.

Next morning you may wake and think
That Oxford’s groves of academe
Provide the academic cream
With cracking spots to eat and drink.

But then, you’ll find one thought remains:
Though Oxford pubs are fine, somehow
You’d settle for the Whitchurch Plough…
And copious amounts of Brains!

Following a not entirely enjoyable long weekend stay in St Leornards:

Hastings and St Len’s could be
Rechristened DSS-on-Sea:
Their grandeur is a memory
That few retain, and even that has faded.

Now half the town’s on benefits,
Resembling London in the Blitz,
Most locals will confirm that it’s
Much worse than when the town was first invaded.

The borough may be put upon,
But Hastings people battle on,
And one oasis hasn’t gone –
The FILO is a jewel that is un-jaded

In the warm up for the long awaited Premiership derby clash of Welsh Giants came this:

As derby day looms, in seedy back rooms
They’re plotting behind guarded doors -
Belligerent fans making tactical plans
To settle historical scores.

As the chiefs of police, while praying for peace,
Count empty cells in the jails,
The press fan the flames for the first of two games
They hope will bring shame onto Wales…

Oiled your rattle? Pressed your scarf?
Planned your pre-match Canton half?
Got your Kevlar from the shelf?
Off you go, enjoy yourself!

Got your coat? There may be hail.
Got your credit cards for bail?
Balaclava? Hard-hat? Gun?
Derby days can be such fun!

Finally following our epic return from Spain where I falsely claimed a new personal best time for the journey, forgetting the fact that the clocks had gone back an hour:

Just like Chris Baltzer, Phileas Fogg
Sent all his mates a travel blog:
Though while he might have been less real than Chris -
Some days I really can’t resist
The thought that Chris does not exist -
And what could be more fictional than this…

For, whereas Phileas gained a day,
By travelling a certain way,
The opposite applies to those who miss
The difference in BST
That overrules a claimed PB…
Yes time keeps finding ways to take the piss!

I could only leave you with this:

Hey Ho!