It's deja vu all over again, Rodney!

Yes, once again it's another stormy weekend at Lesley. Yesterday the sea flooded the road again and the 50 mph winds destroyed two caravan decks. 

I can't help thinking that Mr. Bunn and his planned sea defence project has upset the Gods!

At least the sun is out today but the wind continues to howl off the sea, albeit at a reduced 25 mph!

Not sure who the"turn" is tonight but having had Billy Ocean two weeks ago it wouldn't surprise me if it was Johnny and the Hurricanes or the The Tornados!

No entry would be complete without a contribution from the Welsh Bard, so here's his response to Thames, Southern and Anglian Waters announcing the lifting of their respective hosepipe bans:

At Selsey stands a caravan wherein a bitter twisted man
(Who didn’t get where he is without thinking)
Considers how the world’s gone mad, that things have gone from good to bad...
The wonder is he hasn’t started drinking!

For weeks he’s suffered storm and flood, inhabiting a world of mud,
And never once did Baltzer start complaining
That Southern Water’s hosepipe ban – declared just as the floods began
Remained in force til now... when it's stopped raining!!!!

In fact Selsey is supplied by Portsmouth Water who did not have a hosepipe ban.

And talking of "Deja Vu", in 1978 when Bob Dylan was playing at the Blackbushe Festival, I was at an Army Band Extravaganza at Hawley House.

Now today I'm in windy Lesley and just across the water on the IOW Bruce Springstein and Tom Petty are topping the bill.

Hey Ho!

Which leads me nicely in to this:

and, hot off the press from the Welsh Bard, here's the first two verses to sing-along-to!!

So, Johnny and the Hurricanes are on the Isle of Wight,

But Chris and Janice Baltzer won’t be going there tonight;

Anchored in their caravan, they’ll both be safe and warm,

Stuck on windy Selsey Bill, shelt’ring from the storm...

 

And though Joe Meek’s Tornados may be playing at the camp,

Chris and Janice won’t attend – they’ve suffered too much damp;

Though music be the food of love, they know the weather’s form –

They’re staying in their caravan, to shelter from the storm.

Please Release Us .............

Gusts of wind in excess of 80 mph have been recorded this morning at the Needles as they pass over the Isle of Wight on their way to Lesley.

We are marooned in our caravan with another hour before high tide and the sea already reaching the road just in front of us.

My gastro experience has already provoked much response including a missive from the Loose Antipodean Canon in Nigeria:

I went for a MRI scan here in Nigeria today, not as exciting as your trip to Frimley Park but a slightly amusing and embarrassing moment was walking around in a hospital garment with my ass hanging out and the MRI operator, a Muslim woman in full hajid, suggesting that I could have left my boxers on.

Earlier in the week he had communicated the following:

It’s been a bit of a difficult week as several staff have been killed by Boko Haren (Al Qaeda group in Nigeria). They also blew up 3 churches on Sunday and 300 people killed in a plane crash yesterday.
The joys of Nigeria!

All I can say is the pay must be good!

After difficulty in opening yesterdays blog, The Welsh Bard came up with this warning:

The Baltzer Blog was bugged, and took its time
To reach his avid fans, of whom I’m one.
It wasn’t Chris’s normal ball of fun,
No mix of piss-ups, plants and pantomime,
But was, in truth, a nightmare tale, and I’m
Alarmed to contemplate what he’s begun -
I only hope that justice will be done,
As he’s involved in pretty serious crime...
The rain may keep on falling, nationwide,
But reservoirs are empty, so it’s planned
That hosepipe bans are rigorously applied –
The law is firm in regions where they’re banned...
Yet Chris admits he’s had a garden hose
Inside his gob, and EVERYBODY KNOWS!

And after my earlier rant about the UK going to the dogs, the Welsh Bard has come up with his version of Englebert’s “Please Release Me”,

Please release him BBC,
Chris won’t pay the licence fee.
ITV is just as bad:
Singing dogs – the world’s gone mad!

Brains have given up their beer,
And coffee is their latest cheer,
But whether taken black or white,
It’s guaranteed to taste like shite.

Engelbert is past his prime,
And that talent show’s a crime.
Hump and dogs may be the rage,
But Chris refuses to engage.

With acts too canine or too old,
Though, if truth be really told,
Selsey’s schedule is a feast
Of acts that should have been released!

Here’s a chance to sing along with Englebert, just substitute the words above:



Apologies to the author for the extra verse that I inserted!

The road in front of the caravan is now completely flooded and ready to run over to where we are situated and still 30 minutes until high tide.

 

 
















All I can say is:



Hey Ho!

A bit of a mouthful!

Two weeks ago I had to attend the all too familiar Endoscopy Unit at Frimley Park hospital, this time not for “my usual” but for an introduction to the wonderful world of the esophagogastroduodenoscopy (gastroscopy) procedure.

As a seasoned colonoscopy “end-user” I was not anticipating any problems naively declining the anaesthetic and going for the throat spray only. A decision which I was soon to regret.

To say that the procedure was tortuous would be an understatement. I would have gladly have told my captors anything they wanted to know and more besides had I been able to talk. If fact had I been able to move I would have done a runner  but my head was anchored to the pillow by a great big hairy hand and my legs held together by the matching set of hairy digits.

“Concentrate on your breathing, Mr. Baltzer – concentrate on your breathing and swallow”, I was told as I alternatively wretched and belched while the camera man searched clumsily for the correct passage to pump the camera. Had I not had a great big plastic mouth guard keeping my teeth apart I would have been at pains to point out that it was bloody difficult to concentrate on anything while a garden hose was being shoved down your throat!

Thirty minutes the ordeal was over and I await the results of the umpteen biopsy's that were taken.

So, by comparison, today’s cortisone injection in my shoulder was a walk in the park and having been told to rest my arm for a week I now find myself at Lesley watching a repeat of a repeat of a repeat on ITV3, wondering what to, while the rain lashes down on the caravan roof.

So I have decided to write a new blog entry and in an attempt to brighten up my entries and make it easier to think of what to write about I have decided to embark on a new series of entries entitled “Lesley’s Greatest Hits” in which I will share 10 of my favourite music tracks and associated memories in various music genres.

The first series will be “The Early Years” and, as the rain has just given way to blue skies and sunshine, will commence tomorrow.

Meanwhile here’s a preview of the latest over 60 turn to top the bill on the big Lesley stage this coming Saturday night:

Can't wait!

Hey Ho!

Rock On Lesley, Rock On!

Once again we returned from our travels to find that the UK has gone stark raving mad! 

We come back to a heat wave and hear that “Britain’s Got Talent” was won by a bloody dog. 

Then I find out that 76 year old Engelbert Humperdink, more suited to the geriatric entertainment scene at West Sands Holiday Park, was wheeled out at the Eurovision song contest and embarrassingly only just escaped coming last, providing further proof that “Britain’s Not Got Talent”. 

Even worse was to follow. Football thug Joey Barton received a paltry 12 match ban following his pugnacious behaviour on the final day of the football season while the great Kevin Beattie, arguably one of the best players to ever put on an England shirt and unquestionably the best player I have ever had the privilege to watch, was convicted of benefit fraud!

See: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-18195811

It's a funny old game.

And finally, Brains Brewery have finally admitted that their beer taste like urine and are opening up 30 coffee shops across South Wales. Mind you, as the Young Allotmenteer was quick to point out, their coffee will undoubtably taste like shite. 

We had a great time in Portugal and Spain, just a total chill out, and the weather was really hot.

Here’s a couple of holiday photos:

The allotment has been neglected for almost 6 weeks and I have been spending a lot of my time trying to catch up on the weeding and planting ready for the 2012 Allotment competition. It looks like it will be a bumper year for fruit especially currants and berries and my apple trees are loaded with small fruit.

Meanwhile it is exciting times at the caravan park in Lesley.

Mr Bunn, the owner, is investing 17 million pounds in a coastal protection and beach improvement scheme.

Apparently ”Britain’s Not Got Rock” either and 93,000 tonnes of rock are being shipped in from Norway to create two huge breakwaters at each end of the site to protect the beach. Each will be the size of two football pitches. Then half a million tonnes of sand and shingle will be piped onto the beach.

The size of this project is massive and work continues day and night, subject to weather and tides, until September.

See the full details at : 

http://beautifulbeach.bunn-leisure.co.uk/about-our-beautiful-beach.aspx

Once the project is finished, later this year, the site will be open for 10 months rather than the present 8 months a year.

The project is being run in parallel with the Environmental Agency’s Medmerry Realignment Scheme, between Selsey and Bracklesham in West Sussex. They are building major new sea defences inland from the coast and allowing a new intertidal area to form. It will also create important new wildlife habitat and open up new footpaths, cycleways and bridleways. 

See more details at : 

http://www.environment-agency.gov.uk/homeandleisure/floods/109062.aspx

Meanwhile, on the entertainment front, the latest geriatric act to be wheeled out were transatlantic one hit wonders Edison Lighthouse.

Remember this:

Rock On!!