What day is it?

When I was working full time I never wanted to get up in the morning but now that I am retired I am invariably awake by 5.30 am. I read for half an hour or so and then the alarm (radio) comes on, I listen to the news then I get up.

Currently I am reading an Ed McBain Omnibus edition of 87th Precinth stories and appropriately enough this mornings chapter went like this:

"MONDAY MORNING CAME.

It aways does.

On Monday morning you sit back and take a look at things, and things look lousy. That's a part of Monday, the nature of the beast. Monday should be a fresh beginning, a sort of road-company New Year's Day. But, somehow, Monday is only and always a continuation, a familiar awakening to a start which is really only a repetition. There should be laws against Monday mornings.

Nobody likes Monday morning. It was invented for hangovers. But Monday is Monday and legislation will never change its personality. Monday is Monday, and it stinks."

The great thing about retirement is that you don't have Mondays. They don't exist. In fact you don't have days of the week. You don't have weekends. You just have a brand new day.

Except Saturday afternoons of course which brings me on to the subject of football (again!).

Having crept up to 2nd in the league after a succession of back to back wins, two weeks ago the young allotmenteer and I witnessed a well below par midweek home performance, losing to 10 men Boreham Wood 1-0 which included our top scorer blasting a penalty, a la Wilkinson, miles over the bar. Strangely Boro have struggled to beat 10 man teams of late and in one case didn't score until 10 minutes from the end having played the entire 2nd half against 9 men at home.

The sendings of were no more bizarre than that of the Ebbsfleet keeper a couple weeks ago who saw red after 10, yes TEN, seconds, see excerpt from the BBC website:

Web stardom befalls

Ebbsfleet keeper

Preston Edwards

Ebbsfleet goalkeeper Preston Edwards has become a web sensation after his sending off against Farnborough.

Footage of the 21-year-old's dismissal after only 10 seconds has attracted over 450,000 hits on video-hosting website YouTube.

Edwards saw red in the Blue Square Bet South match on 5 February, which his side went on to lose 3-0.

"I'd like to be known for better, different reasons, but it's happened," Edwards told BBC Radio Kent.

"I've got to take it on the chin. At least I've got something in history."

Edwards' sending off is not the quickest ever - Chippenham striker David Pratt was sent off against Bashley after just 3 seconds in 2008 - but is thought to be the fastest red card for a goalkeeper.

As Fleet had no goalkeeper on the bench, midfielder Tom Phipp, 18, had to play in goal for the remaining 89 minutes.




He wasn't happy, and yes, Boro won 3-0.

On the social front, following on from lunch with our local MP, I have been seen in public walking out with none other than Baroness Thatcher. Worse still, to avoid being recognised, I had to disguise myself as the Lone Ranger's sidekick Tonto.


How embarrassing is that!

Of course the Welsh Bard came up with an offering:

As Mrs Thatcher, Jan out-Streeps Streep,

And Chris’s outfit? Tontos don’t come cheap:

Those hair extensions must have cost a pile,

And though it’s been too small for quite a while,

That buckskin top was Chris’s as a kid –

So what a clever job the tailor did!

Chris likes to make an effort, going out,

But who did Baltzer pay to play his Scout?

Kemo Sabe...

Finally, back to the subject of the allotment.

Many thanks for all the emails of encouragement- I will respond to them individually this week.

John "Saskatoon" Stoa from Dundee summed it up perfectly:

"Don't give in to them. Your plot needs you, and so do we, otherwise your blog will be all football and no recreational gardening."

And of course the Welsh Bard came up trumps with this, headed up:

Bastards - this won't help, but it's my way of dealing with it...

The vandals came, the little sods,
Enraging horticult’ral gods,
And, worst of all, upsetting Chris,
Who’s never known a day like this!
And, though his mates may lend a hand
To form a vigilante band
Who’ll chase the bastards far and near,
The answer may be found - in beer...

Now, after all these dreadful shocks,
Chris needs a session at the Fox,
Though, in the darkness, I’d have thought
The victim won’t get much support.
But soon th’Allotmenteers will cheer
As Baltzer’s furry hands appear...
Those arsonists will change their tune
When Chris goes howling to the moon!

You have to laugh about it, and, of course I will rise above it and carry one. After all my grandad had a smallholding complete with pig sty, and my father grew most of what he and my Mum ate, so I guess it's in my blood.

I even managed to face a couple hours yesterday raking though the remains of my HQ, salvaging what I could, mostly tools minus handles. What is most upsetting is that several of those tools were my dads and in one case my grandads, irreplaceable.

Janice and I are now looking forward to setting up our new holiday caravan in a weeks time.

I can't wait for the warmer nights, sitting outside on the veranda with something suitably cold in my hand listening to music such as this:



Under a full moon of course!

Not the happiest day of my allotment career

I was woken up at 11.30 pm on Thursday night by a phone call from Hampshire Fire Service informing me that my sheds and greenhouse at the allotment had been raised to the ground.

They had made the site safe and were leaving.

I went straight to the plot at 8.00 am this morning to find that the bastards had broken into 7 sheds and mine, being the last on their trail of destruction, had been set fire to.

From what I was able to recognise from what was left none of the garden tools including a petrol mower had been stolen - just pure vandalism.

I reported the incident to the police who were very sympathetic and helpful, meeting me an hour later back at the plot to take photos and wait for the forensic team to arrive.

The desk sergeant even asked me if I needed victim support assistance to which I politely told him that it wouldn't be required for me but probably would be for the little bastards that destroyed £500 worth of my equipment if I got hold of them before they did.

I am now re-considering my allotmenteering future.



WHAT IS THE POINT !

There's a brown eyed hairy werewolf, to the north of Kathmandu

On Saturday, armed with two hospitality tickets, the young allotmenteer and I arrived at the Rushmoor Stadium at 1.00 pm to "get some down us" prior to the Boro v Havant & Waterlooville game.

Joining us on our table was our local MP, Gerald Howarth, who had been holding a surgery for his constituents that morning.

Never ones to pass up on an opportunity, particularly after several pints of ale, the young allotmenteer and I enlightened Mr. Howarth with our policies for putting the world to rights with particular reference to his recent controversial interview in the Farnborough News and Mail.

Here is an extract from the article:

Influx of

Nepalese

‘must stop’

By Pete Castle

January 27, 2011

PUBLIC services are in danger of being "overwhelmed" by a recent influx of Nepalese immigrants, according to the area’s MP.

Gerald Howarth, who represents Aldershot and Farnborough in Parliament, has made an extraordinary plea to the prime minister to deal with an issue he said was of "grave concern" in the area.

In a letter sent to David Cameron on Tuesday, Mr Howarth said the problem related to the inward migration of Nepalese people as a result of the 2009 High Court ruling that gave all Gurkhas the right to settle in the UK with their dependants.

“This has had a very significant impact over a very short period of time and it is now estimated that 10% of the borough of Rushmoor’s population of approximately 90,000 is Nepalese,” said Mr Howarth in the letter.

"This issue is of deep concern to the local authority and its leader as services are in danger of being overwhelmed by this influx, as are those provided by the NHS, Citizens Advice Bureau and local schools."

Mr Howarth told the the Prime Minister that 'GP practices are struggling to cope' and new arrivals were causing 'immense tensions within the community.'

"The tensions are exacerbated by the difficulties encountered by the Nepalese in integrating into the settled community, particularly given their low levels of literacy and limited understanding of English," he wrote.

"I have a constructive proposal and would appreciate the chance to put it to you."

Speaking to the News and Mail, Mr Howarth said he was hoping to speak to Mr Cameron to put his idea forward. He said he was responding to comments received from constituents 'in words of one syllable' that expressed disquiet about the situation and that immigration had been the 'number one issue' at the general election.

"It is my duty to speak up on their behalf," Mr Howarth said. "As one man told me, they are trying to create a little Kathmandu. It is a change in the character of our towns and people are entitled to express a view on it".

He said that one GP surgery in Farborough, a third of the 9,000 patients were Nepalese.

"It has got to stop, we can't accept any more," Mr Howarth said.

But theMP's intervention has been seen by some as inflammatory.

Chhatra Rai, general secretary of the British Gurkha Welfare Society, whose headquarters are in Farnborough, said that while there were problems, Mr Howarth’s intervention was "unhelpful" and could set back efforts to help new arrivals settle.

Controversial stuff and has certainly stirred up a hornet's nest with the Joanna Lumley brigade.

Personally I find it hard to comprehend how we can let people of any nationality settle in this country without basic reading, writing and speaking skills in English. Without that integration is almost impossible.

I must applaud Simon Hollis, Chairman of FFC, for his efforts to secure the clubs partnership with UK based Nepalese side Sahara F.C. and his policy of welcoming the local Nepalese youngsters to the excellent Farnborough Youth set-up which is comitted to the development of junior football in the Farnborough and the surrounding area.

Whilst on the subject of football, having read my earlier blog (rant) on the woes of English football, Simon Hollis approached me and asked if he could print it in the match day program.

Published - at last!

Mind you after my point 2 "Ban Johnny Foreigner from our game", I am more nervous than ever when walking home from the ground. Without taking a massive detour I have to skirt a very dark and isolated area that is affectionately known as by the local Covies as "Ghurka City"!

Perhaps it's a good thing they can't read!

Anyway, back to gardening. On Sunday Janice and I attended the Hampshire Potato Fair, a rivetting event involving closely scrutinizing over 100 varieties of seed potato before making a choice of what to grow this year. I know how to give a women a good time!

There were a number of other stands pedling various other gardening sundries and as I approached one of them, low and behold I spotted a bottle of Kibosh. I immediately engaged the chap in attendance, telling him of our success "up the plot" with the product.

"Are you staying long?" he asked, I could do with you telling that to a few prospective customers. I duly hung about and was able to assist in a couple of sales.

Turns out he is the MD of the the company marketing Kibosh. I knew his face was familiar - he was the man on the promotional videos of the product that I had watched a few months earlier.

He told me that he has got to change the name because "Kibosh" is still the registered name of some obsolete product from many years ago. It is now going to be known as "Kurtail" but he has been told he can't even say formerly known as "Kibosh".

As the young allotmenteer was quick to point out "Kurtail" doesn't have the same permanence as "Kibosh".

It ain't half good though!





Hey Ho!