What day is it?

When I was working full time I never wanted to get up in the morning but now that I am retired I am invariably awake by 5.30 am. I read for half an hour or so and then the alarm (radio) comes on, I listen to the news then I get up.

Currently I am reading an Ed McBain Omnibus edition of 87th Precinth stories and appropriately enough this mornings chapter went like this:

"MONDAY MORNING CAME.

It aways does.

On Monday morning you sit back and take a look at things, and things look lousy. That's a part of Monday, the nature of the beast. Monday should be a fresh beginning, a sort of road-company New Year's Day. But, somehow, Monday is only and always a continuation, a familiar awakening to a start which is really only a repetition. There should be laws against Monday mornings.

Nobody likes Monday morning. It was invented for hangovers. But Monday is Monday and legislation will never change its personality. Monday is Monday, and it stinks."

The great thing about retirement is that you don't have Mondays. They don't exist. In fact you don't have days of the week. You don't have weekends. You just have a brand new day.

Except Saturday afternoons of course which brings me on to the subject of football (again!).

Having crept up to 2nd in the league after a succession of back to back wins, two weeks ago the young allotmenteer and I witnessed a well below par midweek home performance, losing to 10 men Boreham Wood 1-0 which included our top scorer blasting a penalty, a la Wilkinson, miles over the bar. Strangely Boro have struggled to beat 10 man teams of late and in one case didn't score until 10 minutes from the end having played the entire 2nd half against 9 men at home.

The sendings of were no more bizarre than that of the Ebbsfleet keeper a couple weeks ago who saw red after 10, yes TEN, seconds, see excerpt from the BBC website:

Web stardom befalls

Ebbsfleet keeper

Preston Edwards

Ebbsfleet goalkeeper Preston Edwards has become a web sensation after his sending off against Farnborough.

Footage of the 21-year-old's dismissal after only 10 seconds has attracted over 450,000 hits on video-hosting website YouTube.

Edwards saw red in the Blue Square Bet South match on 5 February, which his side went on to lose 3-0.

"I'd like to be known for better, different reasons, but it's happened," Edwards told BBC Radio Kent.

"I've got to take it on the chin. At least I've got something in history."

Edwards' sending off is not the quickest ever - Chippenham striker David Pratt was sent off against Bashley after just 3 seconds in 2008 - but is thought to be the fastest red card for a goalkeeper.

As Fleet had no goalkeeper on the bench, midfielder Tom Phipp, 18, had to play in goal for the remaining 89 minutes.




He wasn't happy, and yes, Boro won 3-0.

On the social front, following on from lunch with our local MP, I have been seen in public walking out with none other than Baroness Thatcher. Worse still, to avoid being recognised, I had to disguise myself as the Lone Ranger's sidekick Tonto.


How embarrassing is that!

Of course the Welsh Bard came up with an offering:

As Mrs Thatcher, Jan out-Streeps Streep,

And Chris’s outfit? Tontos don’t come cheap:

Those hair extensions must have cost a pile,

And though it’s been too small for quite a while,

That buckskin top was Chris’s as a kid –

So what a clever job the tailor did!

Chris likes to make an effort, going out,

But who did Baltzer pay to play his Scout?

Kemo Sabe...

Finally, back to the subject of the allotment.

Many thanks for all the emails of encouragement- I will respond to them individually this week.

John "Saskatoon" Stoa from Dundee summed it up perfectly:

"Don't give in to them. Your plot needs you, and so do we, otherwise your blog will be all football and no recreational gardening."

And of course the Welsh Bard came up trumps with this, headed up:

Bastards - this won't help, but it's my way of dealing with it...

The vandals came, the little sods,
Enraging horticult’ral gods,
And, worst of all, upsetting Chris,
Who’s never known a day like this!
And, though his mates may lend a hand
To form a vigilante band
Who’ll chase the bastards far and near,
The answer may be found - in beer...

Now, after all these dreadful shocks,
Chris needs a session at the Fox,
Though, in the darkness, I’d have thought
The victim won’t get much support.
But soon th’Allotmenteers will cheer
As Baltzer’s furry hands appear...
Those arsonists will change their tune
When Chris goes howling to the moon!

You have to laugh about it, and, of course I will rise above it and carry one. After all my grandad had a smallholding complete with pig sty, and my father grew most of what he and my Mum ate, so I guess it's in my blood.

I even managed to face a couple hours yesterday raking though the remains of my HQ, salvaging what I could, mostly tools minus handles. What is most upsetting is that several of those tools were my dads and in one case my grandads, irreplaceable.

Janice and I are now looking forward to setting up our new holiday caravan in a weeks time.

I can't wait for the warmer nights, sitting outside on the veranda with something suitably cold in my hand listening to music such as this:



Under a full moon of course!