Big Trouble in Little Brentford - Part 1

Has the world of sport has gone mad!

First the world record football transfer fee is smashed - by a Welshman.

Then the Welsh Rugby Union appoint an Englishman as their Head of Rugby.

And if that is not inexplicable enough, Christian Ronaldo negotiates a £285,000-a-week, after tax, contract with performance bonuses and substantial image right payments on top.

And as I write this I see that he is about to sign  a new contact with Nike worth up to £8 million pounds a year.

SHEER MADNESS!

Meanwhile down on the bottom rung of the football ladder things could not get much worse.

Both my local teams are down but not quite out.

Aldershot celebrated their relegation from the Football League by going into Administration. Backed by the supporters trust they regrouped and gained entrance to the Conference Premier but incurred a 10 point deduction for their sins. It's kind of a "Kick 'em While Their Down" Tax!

Farnborough on the other hand, having finished a creditable 13th despite having 14 points deducted under the Conference League "Kick 'em While Their Down" scheme and having the smallest budget and squad of players which necessitated the left back playing in goal for the last 3 games of the season, celebrated in a similar fashion to neighbours Aldershot and duly went into Administration.

However, well versed in all aspects of down and outness, Farnborough took out a CVA before declaring Administration thus avoiding any points penalty from the Conference League.

All they needed for the new season was a financial backer.

Tesco Express came up with an ambitious multi-million pound plan to save the club and redevelop the area surrounding the ground to include all weather training facilities, five a side pitches, a new allotment area and a supermarket.

Yes, a once in a lifetime chance to bring prosperity and stability to area with top class leisure facilities for the residents.

All that was needed was the approval of the scheme by the landowners, Rushmoor Borough Council.

I even contact my mate Sir Gerald Howarth MP urging him to do what he could to encourage Rushmoor Council to expedite their approval.

However, Rushmoor Borough Council predictably dillied and dallied. Then they dallied and dillied.

Make or break meeting looms for Farnborough

Then, while dillying and dallying for the third time, Tesco express lost interest and took their plans to a more forward looking Council.

With the clock ticking down to the opening fixture of the season Farnborough were still seeking the financial backing required to satisfy the Conference League and gain re-admittance to the league.

Then at the 11th hour along came Paddy Power, the on-line betting company, with a life saving sponsorship deal which not only required the Cherrywood Road ground to be renamed to Paddy Power Park but for the players and management to change their names by deed poll to those of some of the most famous players in world football.

Yes, Farnborough FC was to be managed by Jose Mourinho, assisted by Sir Alex Ferguson and kit-man Terry Venables!

Farnborough unveils super team

The Conference League were not amused and demanded a £100,000 bond under the "Kick 'em While Their Down" scheme before considering their acceptance to the league.

Paddy Power duly stumped up the cash but the transfer of funds was not completed until 31 minutes after the deadline. Farnborough seemed doomed.

Mr Paddy Power was seriously pissed off and mounted a campaign against "the faceless Conference executives".

Football Conference fun police

Two games into the season and Farnborough still hadn't kicked a ball in anger. A crisis meeting with the League was called .

Crisis meeting set

The Conference League's management had been well and truly rubbed up the wrong way by Mr. Paddy Power and Farnborough were still refused entry into the league and under hastily added extensions to the "Kick 'em While Their Down" scheme further conditions were heaped upon the club, including the management and players reverting to their given names on their birth certificates.

Mind you I'm amazed that Elvis Stark Hammond (AKA Pele) hadn't changed his name years before as soon as he was old enough.

Future still uncertain

At this point you could be excused thinking that the Conference League didn't want Farnborough to play in their league.

But Farnborough FC and Mr Paddy Power are made of stern stuff and following a last chance meeting with the Conference (and I suspect the threat of more front page national publicity alongside a set of handsome backhanders) the club were given the go ahead to start their 2013 campaign, five games into the season..

Boro win Conference approval

And the far from match fit side started in style with a fine 1 -0 win over Dover with a great goal from Diego Maradona, sorry, Dave Tarpey!

At this point, if you have managed to get this far, you will be asking yourself why this blog entry is entitled "Big Trouble in Little Brentford - Part 1"?

All will be revealed in "Big Trouble in Little Brentford - Part 2".

Continuing on a soccer theme, on a somewhat of a lighter note, I'll leave you with this:

IT'S ONLY A GAME!