As promised, if you've got half an hour, I'm going to tell you a story.
You must also understand that I was once a Customer Support Manager and ran a pretty dam successful Help Desk.
Once upon a time in a retail outlet near you I successfully signed up for a mobile phone contract with 3 Mobile.
Last Friday I decided to procure a netbook with mobile broadband. Apparently these days, even in gardening circles, you’re no one unless you have a nice shiny “Dongle”!
As I am a customer with 3 Mobile (and they offered by far the best deal) I returned to said retail outlet, tried out the equipment to my satisfaction and sat down with a salesperson with an unpronounceable name to complete the application.
After 10 minutes of questions, answers and hectic keyboard activity, (all for information already known to 3 Mobile as I hastened to point out), we were presented with the message - “CREDIT CHECK FAILED”.
“How can that possibly be” I exclaimed, “I’m a fine upstanding member of the community and a non-defaulting existing customer.”
“I must have entered something wrong”, explained the salesperson with an unpronounceable name.
Another 10 minutes of hectic keyboard action followed only to be greeted with the same message.
“Sorry Sir, I can’t take your application any further. You can contact 3 Moblie support to appeal against the decision”, muttered the salesperson with an unpronounceable name, with total disinterest.
Now I have done some pretty stupid things in my 63 years but I didn’t get where I am today by running up bad debts and I sat in the shop speechless and in a state of shock.
Checking my watch I realised that I was in danger of rounding of a bad hair day with a parking ticket so, after politely telling the salesperson with an unpronounceable name precisely where to stick his "Dongle", realising immediately that this wasn’t actually possible, I beat a hasty retreat.
Returning home, crest fallen and "dongleless", I checked my Experian credit report online and, as expected, it was squeaky clean.
Since being the victim of identity fraud three years ago I have Identity Protection Insurance with a company called CPP which includes membership of Experian the credit checking company. I rang CPP and they confirmed that there was no reason why my application should have failed and I should seek an explanation from 3 Mobile.
Now the fun starts. I ring 3 Mobile support and after negotiating a dozen menu options and entering my mobile phone number three times I am placed in a queue.
After several minutes I am put through:
“Good afternoon, you are speaking to Sadiq , how may I be helping you today?”.
My heart sank, but determined to sort this out once and for all I explained simply and slowly my problem.
There followed a lengthy explanation by Sadiq of how 3 Mobile determine an applicants credit score. I thanked him for his word perfect response and explained that I didn’t care how they worked out my credit rating but that I required to know the reason I had failed it, preferably sooner rather than later. After rejecting more scripted responses from Sadiq, blood pressure rising by the minute, I finally hit the jackpot.
“Would you like me to email you a document that will be explaining your application?”
I gratefully accepted this offer, having first confirmed with Sadiq that it would detail the reason my application failed.
“Thank you for your time today Mr Balthasar I will forward you the document immediately”.
I replaced the receiver pleased that I had achieved my goal.
15 minutes later an email arrived. I eagerly opened the attachment only to find I had been sent a generic document explaining how 3 Mobile works out your credit score and an address, in Glasgow, to appeal against their decision.
Bloody marvellous, I thought, out of the frying pan and into the fire! Now I’ve got to deal with a Rab C. Nesbitt look-alike. Thankfully there was just an address no phone number.
As the weekend progressed the more I thought about this the more unhappy I became. Why should I do all the work, after all they were in the wrong?
First thing Monday morning I found out the phone number of 3 Mobile’s Head Office.
I rang them and asked to speak to someone who deals with Customer Care or Customer Complaints.
“Certainly Sir, I’ll put you straight through”.
Result, I am thinking, especially as the phone rings straight away with no minefield of menus or options.
“Good morning, you are speaking to Aseem, how may I be helping you today?”
I slammed the phone down and looked for a cat to kick.
Three hours later and refreshed with a couple of Moorland Originals I decided to give India one more chance.
After once again negotiating the lengthy preliminaries I am greeted with the usual response:
“Good afternoon, you are speaking to Sharmila, how may I be helping you?”
I explained at length my predicament and asked if I could speak to someone in their credit department.
She politely explained that this was not possible but she would be contacting them for an explanation and be phoning me back in 2 hours time.
I reluctantly agreed.
Now this is when poor young Sharmila made a big mistake.
“Is there anything else I can be helping you with today Mr. Balthasar?”
“Indeed there is madam. I would like you to cancel my mobile phone contract”.
“I am very sorry to here that Mr. Balthasar”, she responded, hastily searching for the relevant script. “May I be asking why you are wanting to cancel?”
NOT in my humble opinion a career move question!
“BECAUSE I AM …… “, I hear the kitchen door close, Janice wisely deciding that she no longer wishes to be party to this telephone call, “TOTALLY PISSED OFF WITH 3 MOBILE”.
“Please be holding on sir I will check your contract details. I am seeing that you are having 12 months of your contract left and that you will be liable to be paying the rental for that period”.
Having already done by homework, I smugly pointed out that I would not be parting with any of my hard earned retirement bounty and that, under section 10 paragraph C of their terms and conditions, 3Mobile were entitled to cancel a contract with immediate effect if the customer failed a credit check.
“I have failed your credit check therefore I want you to terminate my contract immediately, at no cost to myself”, I demanded triumphantly.
“I am not sure I can be doing that Mr. Balthasar, I will have to be checking with our legal department and phoning you back”.
Satisfied that I had made my point I thanked her for her time and that I would be looking forward to her return calls.
An hour later I received a call:
“Good afternoon Mr. Balthassar, this is Japendra speaking from the Credit Department of 3 Mobile. I am pleased to be reporting that we have sorted out the misunderstanding with your application and that if you return to your store your application will now be accepted”.
I tried to explain that I no longer had any intention of entering into a contract with 3 Mobile but required an explanation as to why the application failed in the first place and that nothing would be recorded against my name.
“I cannot be telling you that over the phone Mr. Balthasar but I can be sending you a document explaining our credit checking procedure and giving you an address in Glasgow to be writing to”.
At this point I just gave up. They just wear you down.
The outcome – I have written a polite letter to Rab C. Nesbitt requesting an explanation, an apology and perhaps a teensy weensy bit of compensation for the worry and sleepless nights that this whole incident has caused a retired elderly couple both already suffering from ill health and high blood pressure.
Last Friday I decided to procure a netbook with mobile broadband. Apparently these days, even in gardening circles, you’re no one unless you have a nice shiny “Dongle”!
As I am a customer with 3 Mobile (and they offered by far the best deal) I returned to said retail outlet, tried out the equipment to my satisfaction and sat down with a salesperson with an unpronounceable name to complete the application.
After 10 minutes of questions, answers and hectic keyboard activity, (all for information already known to 3 Mobile as I hastened to point out), we were presented with the message - “CREDIT CHECK FAILED”.
“How can that possibly be” I exclaimed, “I’m a fine upstanding member of the community and a non-defaulting existing customer.”
“I must have entered something wrong”, explained the salesperson with an unpronounceable name.
Another 10 minutes of hectic keyboard action followed only to be greeted with the same message.
“Sorry Sir, I can’t take your application any further. You can contact 3 Moblie support to appeal against the decision”, muttered the salesperson with an unpronounceable name, with total disinterest.
Now I have done some pretty stupid things in my 63 years but I didn’t get where I am today by running up bad debts and I sat in the shop speechless and in a state of shock.
Checking my watch I realised that I was in danger of rounding of a bad hair day with a parking ticket so, after politely telling the salesperson with an unpronounceable name precisely where to stick his "Dongle", realising immediately that this wasn’t actually possible, I beat a hasty retreat.
Returning home, crest fallen and "dongleless", I checked my Experian credit report online and, as expected, it was squeaky clean.
Since being the victim of identity fraud three years ago I have Identity Protection Insurance with a company called CPP which includes membership of Experian the credit checking company. I rang CPP and they confirmed that there was no reason why my application should have failed and I should seek an explanation from 3 Mobile.
Now the fun starts. I ring 3 Mobile support and after negotiating a dozen menu options and entering my mobile phone number three times I am placed in a queue.
After several minutes I am put through:
“Good afternoon, you are speaking to Sadiq , how may I be helping you today?”.
My heart sank, but determined to sort this out once and for all I explained simply and slowly my problem.
There followed a lengthy explanation by Sadiq of how 3 Mobile determine an applicants credit score. I thanked him for his word perfect response and explained that I didn’t care how they worked out my credit rating but that I required to know the reason I had failed it, preferably sooner rather than later. After rejecting more scripted responses from Sadiq, blood pressure rising by the minute, I finally hit the jackpot.
“Would you like me to email you a document that will be explaining your application?”
I gratefully accepted this offer, having first confirmed with Sadiq that it would detail the reason my application failed.
“Thank you for your time today Mr Balthasar I will forward you the document immediately”.
I replaced the receiver pleased that I had achieved my goal.
15 minutes later an email arrived. I eagerly opened the attachment only to find I had been sent a generic document explaining how 3 Mobile works out your credit score and an address, in Glasgow, to appeal against their decision.
Bloody marvellous, I thought, out of the frying pan and into the fire! Now I’ve got to deal with a Rab C. Nesbitt look-alike. Thankfully there was just an address no phone number.
As the weekend progressed the more I thought about this the more unhappy I became. Why should I do all the work, after all they were in the wrong?
First thing Monday morning I found out the phone number of 3 Mobile’s Head Office.
I rang them and asked to speak to someone who deals with Customer Care or Customer Complaints.
“Certainly Sir, I’ll put you straight through”.
Result, I am thinking, especially as the phone rings straight away with no minefield of menus or options.
“Good morning, you are speaking to Aseem, how may I be helping you today?”
I slammed the phone down and looked for a cat to kick.
Three hours later and refreshed with a couple of Moorland Originals I decided to give India one more chance.
After once again negotiating the lengthy preliminaries I am greeted with the usual response:
“Good afternoon, you are speaking to Sharmila, how may I be helping you?”
I explained at length my predicament and asked if I could speak to someone in their credit department.
She politely explained that this was not possible but she would be contacting them for an explanation and be phoning me back in 2 hours time.
I reluctantly agreed.
Now this is when poor young Sharmila made a big mistake.
“Is there anything else I can be helping you with today Mr. Balthasar?”
“Indeed there is madam. I would like you to cancel my mobile phone contract”.
“I am very sorry to here that Mr. Balthasar”, she responded, hastily searching for the relevant script. “May I be asking why you are wanting to cancel?”
NOT in my humble opinion a career move question!
“BECAUSE I AM …… “, I hear the kitchen door close, Janice wisely deciding that she no longer wishes to be party to this telephone call, “TOTALLY PISSED OFF WITH 3 MOBILE”.
“Please be holding on sir I will check your contract details. I am seeing that you are having 12 months of your contract left and that you will be liable to be paying the rental for that period”.
Having already done by homework, I smugly pointed out that I would not be parting with any of my hard earned retirement bounty and that, under section 10 paragraph C of their terms and conditions, 3Mobile were entitled to cancel a contract with immediate effect if the customer failed a credit check.
“I have failed your credit check therefore I want you to terminate my contract immediately, at no cost to myself”, I demanded triumphantly.
“I am not sure I can be doing that Mr. Balthasar, I will have to be checking with our legal department and phoning you back”.
Satisfied that I had made my point I thanked her for her time and that I would be looking forward to her return calls.
An hour later I received a call:
“Good afternoon Mr. Balthassar, this is Japendra speaking from the Credit Department of 3 Mobile. I am pleased to be reporting that we have sorted out the misunderstanding with your application and that if you return to your store your application will now be accepted”.
I tried to explain that I no longer had any intention of entering into a contract with 3 Mobile but required an explanation as to why the application failed in the first place and that nothing would be recorded against my name.
“I cannot be telling you that over the phone Mr. Balthasar but I can be sending you a document explaining our credit checking procedure and giving you an address in Glasgow to be writing to”.
At this point I just gave up. They just wear you down.
The outcome – I have written a polite letter to Rab C. Nesbitt requesting an explanation, an apology and perhaps a teensy weensy bit of compensation for the worry and sleepless nights that this whole incident has caused a retired elderly couple both already suffering from ill health and high blood pressure.
If truth be known, I've thoroughly enjoyed it!
And I will, of course, keep you informed of any response.
And yes, I still have a 3 Mobile phone and yes I have posted this entry from my recently acquired Netbook complete with 3 Mobile “dongle”.
Annoyingly they are by far the cheapest and we didn’t get where we are today by laying out more than we need to, did we?.
So remember, before phoning a Call Centre, beware - all roads lead to Calcutta or do they????
