If you are not into football kindly leave the stage.
If you are and feel strongly about the state of English football and the lack of respect we are shown by world football authorities, read on.
Following the humiliation of our World Cup bid in Geneva, the two recent woeful performances of Ipswich Town in front of millions of TV viewers and this week the news that the Queen’s local team, Windsor and Eton, are due to submit an application to the Revenue & Customs to allow it to enter into a Company Voluntary Arrangement, (as a fellow Boro fan put it, one might have thought that as Her Majesty owns the Revenue and Customs she might have been able to pull a few strings), I have formulated a “10 Point Master Plan” to restore English football to it’s former glory.
You will be pleased to hear that it does not involve the Moon although perhaps the first thing would be to launch Sepp and “chum” Michel into outer space.
I have, however, tried to be more realistic in my recommendations and offer you:
The Werewolf’s Master Plan to put the “England” back into English Football
1. Banish the FA “Oldie Brigade”
Sack the entire FA and replace with younger models who must have at least 15 years playing experience, not gone to public school, still own a pair of boots and support their local non-league club in person every week, home and away.
2. Banish “Johnny Foreigner” from our game.
English football clubs can only register/play and can only be managed/coached by British citizens. This includes our national side for which Harry Rednapp is to be appointed manager immediately. Lets return to the days where tomorrow’s first team is made up of players who have come through the clubs youth policy.
3. A fair days pay for a fair days work
All players to be paid a fixed weekly wage plus a fixed appearance bonus based on the league that they play in and their seniority within the club together with a fixed graduated performance bonus based on their clubs league position (1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th) on the Sunday preceding pay day to take effect after the first 6 games of the season.
If a player is injured he will receive basic pay less Statutory Sick Pay. Unless injured, if a player is doesn’t turn up for training (WORK) every working day of the week he won’t get paid.
In other words return to how it was prior to Jimmy Hill’s Player Power Revolt leading to the scrapping of the maximum wage of £20 a week in 1961 when players were paid just like any other PAYE employee.
4. The Manager is the “BOSS”
The Chairman aside, the Manager to be the highest paid member of staff followed by his assistant and coaching staff in descending order of seniority.
The roles of Director of Football and all the other fancy European titles will be abolished and the Manager will pick the team and have the final say on all team discipline, disputes, new signings and transfers in and out because he is the BOSS.
By default, the BOSS will have the most exclusive car in the car park and the youth side will get to the ground on public transport or by bicycle.
5. Free transfers rule OK
Abolish transfer fees and players percentages but pay removal expenses based on distance moved thus eliminating money grabbing player agents.
If players are under 18 let their parents do the talking otherwise the players are on their own. They will be on a fixed scale wage so there will be little or no room for negotiation. Players under contract cannot leave unless their manager is in agreement. If a player refuses to train/play he simply does not get paid just like any other employee.
6. Quality not quantity
Stop the big four clubs pinching all the best players by limiting the size of the total playing staff to a reasonable maximum. Further, limit the first team squad to a maximum of 22 named players from which the manager, not the FA, will decide which is his strongest team on the day.
7. Fair shares for all
Do away entirely with prize money, (the trophies, medals and the kudos alone should be incentive enough), and return the Premiership to a level playing field and save grass roots football by distributing the annual 3 billion or so pounds of TV rights revenue equally to the 11,000 football league sides across the 24 tiers of English football.
8. A League is a League is a League
Do away with promotion play-offs. There are no play-offs for relegation so why have them for promotion.
Hypothetically, a team that finishes 3rd, injuries and suspensions not withstanding, has to play two more games to earn the right to lose on penalties in the final to the team who came 6th.
Yes I’m an Ipswich Town fan, who have one of the worst play-off records in the league (one success out of seven attempts), and heavily biased against play-offs, but in 1999 Ipswich, who finished third, lost in the semi-final to Bolton who finished sixth ten points behind them, in extra time on away goals. Bolton then went on to lose in the final to Watford who gained promotion despite finishing 9 points behind Ipswich.
It makes a mockery of the whole philosophy of a league. If you can’t make it into the promotion places after 46 games having played everybody else twice, you just don’t deserve to go up at all.
9. The Fan is King (and I don’t mean Steve)
Having saved at least 75% of a clubs expenditure by introducing a realistic and economic wage structure, recognise that the fan is the most important component of a football club by fixing admission and season ticket prices to an affordable level based on the level of the league.
10. Bollocks to FIFA and UEFA
Replace our ineffective FIFA representative with someone who will not take any crap from nor lick the boots of Messrs Blatter and Platini, preferably Roy Keane, (which would also solve the Ipswich problem). Failing that, just admit defeat and do what Harry Rednapp suggested and appoint Jordan.
Never ever bother to waste any more time or money bidding for the World Cup to be staged in this country. If FIFA want to hold the over-hyped competition in this country then let them come to us with an invitation and we might accept based on our terms - another £15 million pounds for distribution to the clubs.
Only enter three English teams into European Competitions – the league Champions, the FA Cup winners and the Carling Cup winners. So many games devalue the competitions and we have enough games to be played in our season without all the European distractions for clubs that will struggle to qualify let alone get to the final so we will just send them our best.
Yes it’s radical and some of it is tongue in cheek and I know there’s no chance of it ever happening but ………………………………
You will be pleased to hear that it does not involve the Moon although perhaps the first thing would be to launch Sepp and “chum” Michel into outer space.
I have, however, tried to be more realistic in my recommendations and offer you:
The Werewolf’s Master Plan to put the “England” back into English Football
1. Banish the FA “Oldie Brigade”
Sack the entire FA and replace with younger models who must have at least 15 years playing experience, not gone to public school, still own a pair of boots and support their local non-league club in person every week, home and away.
2. Banish “Johnny Foreigner” from our game.
English football clubs can only register/play and can only be managed/coached by British citizens. This includes our national side for which Harry Rednapp is to be appointed manager immediately. Lets return to the days where tomorrow’s first team is made up of players who have come through the clubs youth policy.
3. A fair days pay for a fair days work
All players to be paid a fixed weekly wage plus a fixed appearance bonus based on the league that they play in and their seniority within the club together with a fixed graduated performance bonus based on their clubs league position (1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th) on the Sunday preceding pay day to take effect after the first 6 games of the season.
If a player is injured he will receive basic pay less Statutory Sick Pay. Unless injured, if a player is doesn’t turn up for training (WORK) every working day of the week he won’t get paid.
In other words return to how it was prior to Jimmy Hill’s Player Power Revolt leading to the scrapping of the maximum wage of £20 a week in 1961 when players were paid just like any other PAYE employee.
4. The Manager is the “BOSS”
The Chairman aside, the Manager to be the highest paid member of staff followed by his assistant and coaching staff in descending order of seniority.
The roles of Director of Football and all the other fancy European titles will be abolished and the Manager will pick the team and have the final say on all team discipline, disputes, new signings and transfers in and out because he is the BOSS.
By default, the BOSS will have the most exclusive car in the car park and the youth side will get to the ground on public transport or by bicycle.
5. Free transfers rule OK
Abolish transfer fees and players percentages but pay removal expenses based on distance moved thus eliminating money grabbing player agents.
If players are under 18 let their parents do the talking otherwise the players are on their own. They will be on a fixed scale wage so there will be little or no room for negotiation. Players under contract cannot leave unless their manager is in agreement. If a player refuses to train/play he simply does not get paid just like any other employee.
6. Quality not quantity
Stop the big four clubs pinching all the best players by limiting the size of the total playing staff to a reasonable maximum. Further, limit the first team squad to a maximum of 22 named players from which the manager, not the FA, will decide which is his strongest team on the day.
7. Fair shares for all
Do away entirely with prize money, (the trophies, medals and the kudos alone should be incentive enough), and return the Premiership to a level playing field and save grass roots football by distributing the annual 3 billion or so pounds of TV rights revenue equally to the 11,000 football league sides across the 24 tiers of English football.
8. A League is a League is a League
Do away with promotion play-offs. There are no play-offs for relegation so why have them for promotion.
Hypothetically, a team that finishes 3rd, injuries and suspensions not withstanding, has to play two more games to earn the right to lose on penalties in the final to the team who came 6th.
Yes I’m an Ipswich Town fan, who have one of the worst play-off records in the league (one success out of seven attempts), and heavily biased against play-offs, but in 1999 Ipswich, who finished third, lost in the semi-final to Bolton who finished sixth ten points behind them, in extra time on away goals. Bolton then went on to lose in the final to Watford who gained promotion despite finishing 9 points behind Ipswich.
It makes a mockery of the whole philosophy of a league. If you can’t make it into the promotion places after 46 games having played everybody else twice, you just don’t deserve to go up at all.
9. The Fan is King (and I don’t mean Steve)
Having saved at least 75% of a clubs expenditure by introducing a realistic and economic wage structure, recognise that the fan is the most important component of a football club by fixing admission and season ticket prices to an affordable level based on the level of the league.
10. Bollocks to FIFA and UEFA
Replace our ineffective FIFA representative with someone who will not take any crap from nor lick the boots of Messrs Blatter and Platini, preferably Roy Keane, (which would also solve the Ipswich problem). Failing that, just admit defeat and do what Harry Rednapp suggested and appoint Jordan.
Never ever bother to waste any more time or money bidding for the World Cup to be staged in this country. If FIFA want to hold the over-hyped competition in this country then let them come to us with an invitation and we might accept based on our terms - another £15 million pounds for distribution to the clubs.
Only enter three English teams into European Competitions – the league Champions, the FA Cup winners and the Carling Cup winners. So many games devalue the competitions and we have enough games to be played in our season without all the European distractions for clubs that will struggle to qualify let alone get to the final so we will just send them our best.
Yes it’s radical and some of it is tongue in cheek and I know there’s no chance of it ever happening but ………………………………
