Look out behind you ........

And so it came to pass that on the 19th evening of December 2010 the Portman Road production team presented the final saga in their end of year trilogy.

Following on from the previous two weeks dramatic offerings, better described as "Comedies of Error", this week they treated the television viewing public to their "Pièce de Résistance" - the Suffolk version of the traditional Christmas pantomime, "Snow White (on ice)", starring not, as you might have been forgiven for anticipating, Roy Keane, not even Sven-Göran Eriksson but, taking centre stage on the deep and crisp and even hallowed turf that is Portman Road, the young pretender, referee Stuart Attwell.

For the more unfortunate of you who missed this comical but emotional performance check out this video précis of the game:



I will say no more other than offer up the following two odes, the first, of course from the Welsh Bard:

3 – 0

Hallelujah, oh what joy!
Thank the Lord that we’ve got Roy.
Now we know why he’s still there...
In the snow, his icy glare
Made the match officials see
It would be a travesty
If our three-nil lead would go,
With the lines, both lost to snow.

The whistle blew, and Keano stared,
And all could see the Ref was scared.
He didn’t have to say a word,
Abandonment was now absurd.
So, thanks to Keano’s icy blast,
Ipswich Town has won at last.
At management he’s not a wizard,
But Roy’s the master of the blizzard!

And the second, a rare outing into the world of rhyme, from the keyboard of the Werewolf of Hampshire himself:

LET IT SNOW!

I hate the snow, it does in my head.
Nowhere to go except back to bed.
It’s time for the football. Could this be the end?
Or will Leicester fall and Ipswich ascend.

The pundits are plotting and setting the scene,
Of the manager walking. The end of Roy Keane?
Roy looks apprehensive but Sven’s looking cool.
The weather is festive. A genuine Yule!

So we’re off in a snow storm - God we’ve taken the lead.
Have we come into form or will we concede?
They all look so fit. Fine men in their prime.
I just cant believe it, three nil at half time!

Leicester aren’t tickled. The snow’s getting worse.
Sven’s looking pickled. He needs a nurse.
Keanes’ gum chewing’s speeded. The weather looks bad.
The snow’s not receded, well perhaps just a tad.

What’s the ref doing? He’s taking them off!
I bet he’ll be pooing when faced with Keanes’ wrath.
He’s come to his senses, he’s bringing them out.
Not good for defences, it could be a rout.

The game has completed. The referee’s blown.
The pundits are cheated and Roy’s safe at home.
Thank goodness it’s over and Sven’s looking glum!
He will not savour three up the bum!

Then it’s no great surprise, if it snows every day.
That Ipswich will rise and Keane’s here to stay.
And perhaps if they move Portman Road to the Pole,
We’ll be in the groove and achieving our goal.

Yes, Cup and league glory within the two years.
What a wonderful story. It fills me with tears.
But where is my team. What’s all this prancing?
I’ve woke from my dream. It’s Strictly Come Dancing!

ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The final word from the Portman Road PA system: