Unlucky for some ...............

The actual history of why number 13 is considered unlucky is somewhat elusive.

One popular theory states that the number is connected to the last 13 Knights Templar being burned alive to end the Crusades on Friday the 13th, and thus has been deemed unfortunate.

Another theory revolves around monks involved in maintaining the yearly lunar calendar when there are 13 full moons some years instead of 12, resulting in confusion of church festivals. Because of this confusion, years with 13 full moons became unlucky. 

Regardless of the true history, there are many people who are fearful of anything associated with the number, so much so that the phobia has been given a name: triskaidekaphobia.

The number 13, especially Friday the 13th, has long been considered lucky in Judaism, and some think that the general population's fear of 13 stems from anti-Semitism.

As far as I'm concerned 13 is most definitely the luckiest number of all. My father disagreed.

Why? - well I was born on Friday 13th September 1946 at number 13 Trent Road in Ipswich.

The Welsh bard appears to agree with my dad.

Friday 13^th 1946...

In September Forty Six,
Suffolk folk were in a fix –
The war had gone but Baltzer had arrived!

In Ipswich everyone was glum,
wondering what on earth had come
To test them after all they had survived.

The omens, one would have to say,
were bad – that dreaded date and day
Could well portend disaster, but hear this:

Ever since that fateful day,
all bad luck has come my way...
I’ve never yet been bought a beer by Chris!

Rather surprisingly, my arrival didn't make the national news but here's what did:

(To read the news, right click on the image and click "Open link in a new window" you can then left click to zoom in)

Notice that the papers cost 1 old pence and footballer Albert Stubbins was tranferred from Newcatle to Liverpool for £13000, the second highest transfer in  league history!

But it's not just my birthday today, its happy birthday to sportsmen Michael Johnson (45), Goran Ivanisevic (41), Shane Warne  (43) and Robin Smith(49), comedian Bobby Davro (54), Ringo Starr's son Zak (47) and Paul McCartney's daughter Stella (41).

From the world of literature J B Priestley was born this day in 1894 and Roald Dahl in 1916.

Film actress Jacqeline Bisset, shown here portraying Miss Goodthighs with Peter Sellers in Casino Royale, was born on 13th September 1944:

and actor Richard Kriel, Roger Moores' arch enemy in two James Bond films, was born on September 13th 1939:

No blog would be complete without music, so before I depart to Chichester to celebrate my 66th birthday in style, with breakfast at the Vestry, lunch at Marco's all washed down with a baker's dozen of beers at the Park Tavern, here are two clips by artists who were born on 13th September.

First Mel Torme, nicknamed "The Velvet Fog", born in 1925, singing one my favourite records and one of the first I ever bought:

That clip brought back a few memories! I must have been in there somewhere.

And now, predictably a moon song, sung by the lovely Katie Melua, born this day 1984:

And to finish another 66 year old, a song written by Booby Troup in 1946, recorded in the same year by Nat King Cole and subsequently by over 50 artists including the Chuck Berry and The Rolling Stones, appropriately entitled Route 66:

Hey Ho!

Once in a blue moon

If you go down to the woods tonight

You're sure of a big surprise

If you go down to the woods tonight,
You'd better go in disguise.

For every wolf that ever there was
Will gather there for certain, because
Tonight's the night the Werewolves have their picnic.

If you go down to the woods tonight

You'd better not go alone

It's lovely down in the woods tonight

But safer to stay at home.

For every wolf that's keeping in toon

Will gather there and howl at the moon

Tonight's the night the Werewolves have their picnic.

Yes, tonight, Friday 31st August, there will be a full moon.

Not any old full moon but a Blue Moon.

The expression 'Once in a Blue Moon' is used to express a rare and often special event.

This is because a Blue Moon occurs just once in every two and half years or so. This special Moon occurs when a second full Moon falls in any one calendar month. Usually months have only one full Moon, but occasionally there can be a second one - named a Blue Moon as sung about here by the brilliant Nancy Griffith:

Full Moons occur every 29.5 days, but most months are 30 or 31 days long; so it is possible to fit two full Moons in a single month. This happens rarely. The last Blue Moon was December 31 2009, and the next is tonight. After that you'll have to wait until July 31 2015 for the next one.

Can there be two blue moons in a single calendar year? Yes. It last happened in 1999. There were two full moons in January and two full moons in March and no full moon in February. So both January and March had Blue Moons.

The next year of double blue moons is coming up in 2018.

Just for the Welsh Bard, here's an instrumental version of Blue Moon by The Ventures:

The practice of the 'Craft', known as Witchcraft, Paganism and Wicca, all place greater significance than other religions on the Moon and its phases. Of particular importance are the full Moons which are celebrated and honoured and known as 'Esbats'.

The full Moon, or Esbat, is seen as a potent and special time to celebrate, practice rituals, and to Cast Magic Spells for any positive purpose - love, money, health and happiness for example. And the rare Blue Moon event is considered an exceptionally potent time to Spell cast.

Don't miss out on this 'Once in a Blue Moon' opportunity to mark the special event of a Bluel Moon occurrence and do something monumental such as "Moon Bathing".

So tonight, at midnight, undress and stand naked under the full Moon. 'Bathe' by visualising the moonbeams cleansing you from head to foot. Once you feel thoroughly cleansed, say aloud 3 times your special wish.

Feel free to join me on the beach at Selsey.

If you don't fancy that you could join Neil Armstrong's family and friends in a "Cosmic Wink".

For today there will be a private funeral service for Neil Armstrong, the first man to walk on the moon, who died last Saturday in Ohio at age 82.

Armstrong’s family has suggested paying tribute to him by looking at the moon and giving the astronaut a wink.

One man who will be observing the Blue Moon tonight is Selsey's most famous resident, 89 year old, Sir Patrick Moore who I had the pleasure of meeting at a charity fete in the grounds of his house "Farthings" last Sunday.

Love that shirt!

And to finish, here's an historic clip from The Sky at Night from 1970:

See you all at midnight!

Hey Ho!

Ten Fascinating Meetings in Modern History

10 Charles Rolls and Frederick Royce - 1904

In 1907 under the supervision of Charles Rolls, the company began to manufacture small aircraft engines. Tragically three years later Rolls was killed when his Wright biplane crashed. He was the first Briton to be killed in an aeronautical accident, and the eleventh internationally. As a symbol of mourning the “RR” logo on the radiator plate was changed from red to black.

9 Dexter King and James Earl Ray - 1997

Ray told his wife, who thought he was innocent, that he had killed King and threatened to kill her. In discussing the events surrounding King’s death, Ray admitted his guilt with the statement: “Yeah, I killed him. But what if I did; I never got a trial.” Ray died in prison a year later in 1998 at the age of 70.

8 Edgar Allan Poe and Charles Dickens - 1842

Six years earlier Poe had married his 13-year old first cousin Virginia Clemm and was living with her and her mother (Poe’s Aunt/ mother in-law) Maria Clemm. Virginia Clemm died of tuberculosis when she was just 24. Because of his wife’s death Poe became despondent and turned to drink to cope. When Dickens returned to America for his second tour, Poe was already dead. Dickens learned that Maria Clemm was ill and living on charity. Dickens visited her, pressed some money into her hand, and later from England contributed $1,000 for her keep.

7 Thomas Stafford and Alexei Leonov - 1975

The Americans and Soviets exchanged flags and gifts including tree seeds which were later planted in the two countries.

6 Pope John Paul II and Mehmet Ali Ağca -1981

When Pope John Paul II died in 2005, Ağca’s brother Adnan said that his entire family was grieving and that the Pope had been a great friend to them. Also: Ağca wanted to visit the Pope’s funeral however Turkish authorities rejected his request to leave prison to attend.

5 Richard Nixon and Elvis Presley - 1970

Of all the requests made each year to the National Archives for reproductions of photographs and documents, the one item that is requested more than any (even more than the Bill of Rights or the Constitution) is the photograph of Elvis Presley and Richard M. Nixon shaking hands during this famous meeting. You can read Presley’s Transcript of his 6 page letter here.

4 Henry Stanley and David Livingstone - 1871

Here are the exact words written by Stanley when he finally met up with Livingstone: “As I advanced slowly toward him I noticed he was pale, looked wearied, had a gray beard, wore a bluish cap with a faded gold braid round it, had on a red-sleeved waistcoat, and a pair of gray tweed trousers. I would have run to him, only I was a coward in the presence of such a mob – would have embraced him, only, he being an Englishman, I did not know how he would receive me. So I did what cowardice and false pride suggested was the best thing – walked deliberately to him, took off my hat, and said: ‘Dr. Livingstone, I presume?’ “Yes”, said he, with a kind smile, lifting his cap slightly.

3 Douglas MacArthur and Emperor Hirohito 1945

Hirohito later became a respected marine biologist and wrote a number of books on the subject. After Hirohito died in 1989 because of his interest in science and in modernizing his country he was reported to have been buried with his microscope and a Mickey Mouse watch.

2 Ulysses Grant and General Robert E. Lee - 1865

When Lee mentioned to Grant that his men had been without rations for several days, Grant arranged for 25,000 rations to be sent to the hungry Confederates.

1 The Young Allotmenteer and the Welsh bard - 2012

 





This historic meeting took place last week in The Alehouse, Reading (PKA The Hobgoblin) and, over a pint or six, an international project was kicked-off to translate "The Reunification Express" into Cymraeg.

And just for the Welsh Bard, who related that he had once shared a plane journey with Dick Dale, the King of the Surf Guitar, on his way back from LA en route from Oz, here's Dick:

Wot a jolly old movie! Hey Ho!

GOLD

You're no one until you go "GOLD" and I am not talking Olympic Medals!

Nor am I alluding to the Best Allotment Competition, although I am quietly confident again this year.

No, I am actually referring to the attainment of Life Member status of The Broadway Gentleman's Club and the possession of a Gold Members card.

Not only does this most coveted piece of plastic entitle me to free annual membership, a free outing to Glorious Goodwood and a free Christmas luncheon but also allows me to sit in the corner seats nearest the bar and toilets affectionately known as "God's Waiting Room".

These cards are very hard to come by and not only do you have to have been a member for 20 years and aged 65 on January 1st but, as I had to wait 6 months before taking delivery of my card, it would appear that you also have to wait for another Life Member to expire as there are only a limited number of cards.

Meanwhile, on the Lesley front there is a cloud hanging over the village.

As you are all well aware, no proper High Street got where it is today by not having at least three pubs, proper butchers, greengrocers and bakers shops, a minimum of two Curry Houses, a Fish and Chip shop and a Chinese take-away but most importantly a hardware emporium, where you don't have to buy a box of 200 nails or screws containing 99.9% more of the item than you need.
Lesley is no exception to this rule and Rudwick's Hardware Stores is the corner stone of the village, a veritable Aladdin's Cave of goodies and a regular Saturday morning meeting point for male caravan owners.

But an ugly rumour is circulating within the community that Rudwick's Hardware Stores is up for sale and the continued provision of fork handles is in jeopardy.

Prayers are being said every Thursday and Sunday in St. Peters Parish Church.

Meanwhile down at the plot everything is flourishing.

You would be forgiven for mistaking this for The Gardeners World show plot but NO, it's Plot 24A Prospect Allotments and looking bloody good too if I say so myself!!

As you can see not only have I got salad crops, potatoes, onions, garlic, courgettes, cucumbers, parsnips, leeks, carrots, celery, celeriac, beans of all shapes and sizes and a surfeit of soft fruit and berries, I have concealed somewhere within the 10 rod (pole or perch) area a set of Honda CRV car keys. To be precise the only set, resulting in a most frustrating Monday afternoon and evening.

It is not advisable to lose the only keys of a four wheel drive vehicle which is parked, in gear with the handbrake on, on a slope. The logistics of getting it on a recovery truck are complicated.

Suffice to say it took two recovery trucks and one and a half hours to get the car back to Cotswold Towers.

Then yesterday flushed with my success at receiving a "nice little earner" from the last race at Goodwood the day before in one hand, I receive a bill for £120 for those annoying but rather necessary car keys in the other.

Easy come, easy go!

At least we are now happily ensconced in our caravan at Lesley for 5 days enjoying the wind burn.

Before I leave for a walk on the beach at low tide followed by a pint or three of Brakespears Best in The Lifeboat, I'll leave you with my new theme song :

Hey Ho!

The Reunification Express

You will be pleased to hear that this entry is not about me.

It concerns none other than the Young Allotmenteer and his epic 10,000 mile train journey across 10 countries from Farnborough (Main) to Saigon in September 2008.

I'll let The Young Allotmenteer take up the story:

Dear All,

Some of you already know that I took a train journey in the autumn of 2008 from Farnborough to Saigon , via Woking (don't send me e-mails I know it's official name is Ho Chi Minh City but I wasn't there in an official capacity). The intention was always to write a book about it. I did. Then I tried to find a publisher. Then it sat in a computer file. Then I tried to find a publisher. Then it sat in a computer file. Then I tried to find a publisher. Well, you get the picture.

So, I decided that I would publish it myself as I need the space on my computer. I thought I'd give any profits from the sales to charity. I chose Diabetes UK as I have a vested interest in them finding a cure. My target is £1500, which equates to 500 sales. That is a lot of sales, even if you bought 2 each. So, as well as buying a copy can you try and get someone else to buy a copy? There's absolutely nothing in it for you except the nice warm glow you feel when you do something good. Except for a book of course, you get a book. It's hilarious and somewhere in the pages is the funnest line ever written. I can't tell you which page, but it's not page 28. You'll just have to read it (although you can skip page 28).

I've used a company called Completely Novel to help me with my publishing for two reasons: the quality is as good as you'll find in Waterstones and it means Diabetes UK makes more money per book. I could have put it on Amazon but they are a bunch of thieving shysters when it comes to divvying up the spoils - this is for charity mate, not an exercise in putting more money into a company that only pays a few shillings in UK corporation tax.

Here's the link to the book -

http://www.completelynovel.com/books/the-reunification-express--2

You can read it on-line if you can't afford to buy the book. If you can't afford to buy the book, let me know and I'll strike you off my distribution list - you'll be no good to me when I start selling cravats on E-Bay.

OK, begging over - buy the book, or I will stalk you.

Cheers

Mike

So, do as he says, buy his book and enjoy.

Mike would be the first to admit that his allotment knowledge has only just got past the "L" plates stage but he is an accomplished writer and a very funny man. You've only got to see him on a Sunday morning at the allotment in his khaki shorts and wellie boots to bear testament to that fact!

When you buy it, let me know - I'm on commission, one pint of session bitter for every ten books sold.

And, as an added bonus, I can arrange a signing on a Sunday morning between 10.00 am to 12.00am at his plot on Prospect Road Allotments, Farnborough, GU14 8NY.

Heres a short clip to get you in the mood:

It's deja vu all over again, Rodney!

Yes, once again it's another stormy weekend at Lesley. Yesterday the sea flooded the road again and the 50 mph winds destroyed two caravan decks. 

I can't help thinking that Mr. Bunn and his planned sea defence project has upset the Gods!

At least the sun is out today but the wind continues to howl off the sea, albeit at a reduced 25 mph!

Not sure who the"turn" is tonight but having had Billy Ocean two weeks ago it wouldn't surprise me if it was Johnny and the Hurricanes or the The Tornados!

No entry would be complete without a contribution from the Welsh Bard, so here's his response to Thames, Southern and Anglian Waters announcing the lifting of their respective hosepipe bans:

At Selsey stands a caravan wherein a bitter twisted man
(Who didn’t get where he is without thinking)
Considers how the world’s gone mad, that things have gone from good to bad...
The wonder is he hasn’t started drinking!

For weeks he’s suffered storm and flood, inhabiting a world of mud,
And never once did Baltzer start complaining
That Southern Water’s hosepipe ban – declared just as the floods began
Remained in force til now... when it's stopped raining!!!!

In fact Selsey is supplied by Portsmouth Water who did not have a hosepipe ban.

And talking of "Deja Vu", in 1978 when Bob Dylan was playing at the Blackbushe Festival, I was at an Army Band Extravaganza at Hawley House.

Now today I'm in windy Lesley and just across the water on the IOW Bruce Springstein and Tom Petty are topping the bill.

Hey Ho!

Which leads me nicely in to this:

and, hot off the press from the Welsh Bard, here's the first two verses to sing-along-to!!

So, Johnny and the Hurricanes are on the Isle of Wight,

But Chris and Janice Baltzer won’t be going there tonight;

Anchored in their caravan, they’ll both be safe and warm,

Stuck on windy Selsey Bill, shelt’ring from the storm...

 

And though Joe Meek’s Tornados may be playing at the camp,

Chris and Janice won’t attend – they’ve suffered too much damp;

Though music be the food of love, they know the weather’s form –

They’re staying in their caravan, to shelter from the storm.

Please Release Us .............

Gusts of wind in excess of 80 mph have been recorded this morning at the Needles as they pass over the Isle of Wight on their way to Lesley.

We are marooned in our caravan with another hour before high tide and the sea already reaching the road just in front of us.

My gastro experience has already provoked much response including a missive from the Loose Antipodean Canon in Nigeria:

I went for a MRI scan here in Nigeria today, not as exciting as your trip to Frimley Park but a slightly amusing and embarrassing moment was walking around in a hospital garment with my ass hanging out and the MRI operator, a Muslim woman in full hajid, suggesting that I could have left my boxers on.

Earlier in the week he had communicated the following:

It’s been a bit of a difficult week as several staff have been killed by Boko Haren (Al Qaeda group in Nigeria). They also blew up 3 churches on Sunday and 300 people killed in a plane crash yesterday.
The joys of Nigeria!

All I can say is the pay must be good!

After difficulty in opening yesterdays blog, The Welsh Bard came up with this warning:

The Baltzer Blog was bugged, and took its time
To reach his avid fans, of whom I’m one.
It wasn’t Chris’s normal ball of fun,
No mix of piss-ups, plants and pantomime,
But was, in truth, a nightmare tale, and I’m
Alarmed to contemplate what he’s begun -
I only hope that justice will be done,
As he’s involved in pretty serious crime...
The rain may keep on falling, nationwide,
But reservoirs are empty, so it’s planned
That hosepipe bans are rigorously applied –
The law is firm in regions where they’re banned...
Yet Chris admits he’s had a garden hose
Inside his gob, and EVERYBODY KNOWS!

And after my earlier rant about the UK going to the dogs, the Welsh Bard has come up with his version of Englebert’s “Please Release Me”,

Please release him BBC,
Chris won’t pay the licence fee.
ITV is just as bad:
Singing dogs – the world’s gone mad!

Brains have given up their beer,
And coffee is their latest cheer,
But whether taken black or white,
It’s guaranteed to taste like shite.

Engelbert is past his prime,
And that talent show’s a crime.
Hump and dogs may be the rage,
But Chris refuses to engage.

With acts too canine or too old,
Though, if truth be really told,
Selsey’s schedule is a feast
Of acts that should have been released!

Here’s a chance to sing along with Englebert, just substitute the words above:



Apologies to the author for the extra verse that I inserted!

The road in front of the caravan is now completely flooded and ready to run over to where we are situated and still 30 minutes until high tide.

 

 
















All I can say is:



Hey Ho!

A bit of a mouthful!

Two weeks ago I had to attend the all too familiar Endoscopy Unit at Frimley Park hospital, this time not for “my usual” but for an introduction to the wonderful world of the esophagogastroduodenoscopy (gastroscopy) procedure.

As a seasoned colonoscopy “end-user” I was not anticipating any problems naively declining the anaesthetic and going for the throat spray only. A decision which I was soon to regret.

To say that the procedure was tortuous would be an understatement. I would have gladly have told my captors anything they wanted to know and more besides had I been able to talk. If fact had I been able to move I would have done a runner  but my head was anchored to the pillow by a great big hairy hand and my legs held together by the matching set of hairy digits.

“Concentrate on your breathing, Mr. Baltzer – concentrate on your breathing and swallow”, I was told as I alternatively wretched and belched while the camera man searched clumsily for the correct passage to pump the camera. Had I not had a great big plastic mouth guard keeping my teeth apart I would have been at pains to point out that it was bloody difficult to concentrate on anything while a garden hose was being shoved down your throat!

Thirty minutes the ordeal was over and I await the results of the umpteen biopsy's that were taken.

So, by comparison, today’s cortisone injection in my shoulder was a walk in the park and having been told to rest my arm for a week I now find myself at Lesley watching a repeat of a repeat of a repeat on ITV3, wondering what to, while the rain lashes down on the caravan roof.

So I have decided to write a new blog entry and in an attempt to brighten up my entries and make it easier to think of what to write about I have decided to embark on a new series of entries entitled “Lesley’s Greatest Hits” in which I will share 10 of my favourite music tracks and associated memories in various music genres.

The first series will be “The Early Years” and, as the rain has just given way to blue skies and sunshine, will commence tomorrow.

Meanwhile here’s a preview of the latest over 60 turn to top the bill on the big Lesley stage this coming Saturday night:

Can't wait!

Hey Ho!

Rock On Lesley, Rock On!

Once again we returned from our travels to find that the UK has gone stark raving mad! 

We come back to a heat wave and hear that “Britain’s Got Talent” was won by a bloody dog. 

Then I find out that 76 year old Engelbert Humperdink, more suited to the geriatric entertainment scene at West Sands Holiday Park, was wheeled out at the Eurovision song contest and embarrassingly only just escaped coming last, providing further proof that “Britain’s Not Got Talent”. 

Even worse was to follow. Football thug Joey Barton received a paltry 12 match ban following his pugnacious behaviour on the final day of the football season while the great Kevin Beattie, arguably one of the best players to ever put on an England shirt and unquestionably the best player I have ever had the privilege to watch, was convicted of benefit fraud!

See: http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-england-suffolk-18195811

It's a funny old game.

And finally, Brains Brewery have finally admitted that their beer taste like urine and are opening up 30 coffee shops across South Wales. Mind you, as the Young Allotmenteer was quick to point out, their coffee will undoubtably taste like shite. 

We had a great time in Portugal and Spain, just a total chill out, and the weather was really hot.

Here’s a couple of holiday photos:

The allotment has been neglected for almost 6 weeks and I have been spending a lot of my time trying to catch up on the weeding and planting ready for the 2012 Allotment competition. It looks like it will be a bumper year for fruit especially currants and berries and my apple trees are loaded with small fruit.

Meanwhile it is exciting times at the caravan park in Lesley.

Mr Bunn, the owner, is investing 17 million pounds in a coastal protection and beach improvement scheme.

Apparently ”Britain’s Not Got Rock” either and 93,000 tonnes of rock are being shipped in from Norway to create two huge breakwaters at each end of the site to protect the beach. Each will be the size of two football pitches. Then half a million tonnes of sand and shingle will be piped onto the beach.

The size of this project is massive and work continues day and night, subject to weather and tides, until September.

See the full details at : 

http://beautifulbeach.bunn-leisure.co.uk/about-our-beautiful-beach.aspx

Once the project is finished, later this year, the site will be open for 10 months rather than the present 8 months a year.

The project is being run in parallel with the Environmental Agency’s Medmerry Realignment Scheme, between Selsey and Bracklesham in West Sussex. They are building major new sea defences inland from the coast and allowing a new intertidal area to form. It will also create important new wildlife habitat and open up new footpaths, cycleways and bridleways. 

See more details at : 

http://www.environment-agency.gov.uk/homeandleisure/floods/109062.aspx

Meanwhile, on the entertainment front, the latest geriatric act to be wheeled out were transatlantic one hit wonders Edison Lighthouse.

Remember this:

Rock On!!