After the final whistle on Saturday it resembled a ploughed muddy field.
Photo by Panther Studio http://www.pantherstudio.co.uk/
Boro were a little unlucky to go in 1 nil down at half time and could easily have been 2 or 3 goals to the good had it not been for the opposition keeper. Whatever hopes they had of playing themselves back into the game were dashed by a half time downpour on an already waterlogged pitch and despite having all the play were unable to save the game and, having gone 2 nil down following a poor goal kick from the home keeper, were left to rue the woodwork and a penalty ballooned over the stand.
A disappointing result following on from three back to back victories in which they had scored 13 goals and only conceded two.
Earlier in the week I came across this website with some, for once, interesting Football League statistics:
http://www.footballbynumbers.co.uk/entertainers.html
I mention this as I had received word from the Welsh Bard that he and his brother-in-law Harry had tickets for the Swansea versus Ipswich game on the Saturday.
I was immediately able to point out to him the following information:
The team in the football league (level 1 – 7) with the best goals per game is indeed FFC with 2.56.
Ipswich, however, with a goals per game ratio of 1.08 are in 180th place and Swansea, with only 0.85, just off the bottom in 214th place.
Backing this up with the fact that in the table for the worst goals per game ratio (both ends), also known as “The Where Not to Purchase a Season Ticket League“, Swansea were runaway leaders with only 1.64, and therefore advised him to take the Times, the Telegraph and the Guardian for the first half and a good book for the second.
Now I didn’t get where I am today by being right all the time but the game predictably finished up nil nil. Here's a brief report his excursion in to enemy territory from the Welsh Bard:
"But what is there to say? I didn’t get where I am today criticising a lack of basic skills (a phrase I learned where, I wonder) but there were none on display in Swansea on Saturday. Certainly not on the field of play – which, was, as it happened a very nice one – nor in the pubs of a city whose grimness I’d forgotten. I’ve been in and out of Swansea (where no Baltzer genes were spotted, incidentally) since I was a kid, when it was still a mess after the Luftwaffe had taken issue with a Glamorgan victory at St Helens. Sixty odd years later, the place still looks as if the city fathers haven’t quite decided how to rebuild it.
Out of curiosity, H and I walked as far as the Vetch, which is still intact (hereabouts, Ninian Park already has residents who wake each day to the remains of the Canton Stand!) and that was a Bad Idea. In need of sustenance, we entered a pub H thought would be ok. Wrong – and, as you know, he’s rarely wrong in such delicate matters. Negotiating a drink proved interesting “Two pints of – oh, have you got only Speckled Hen?” I asked, spotting the preponderance of lager pumps. “Bit strong,” I said, “I’ll have a Guinness, please.”
“Sorry, butt, the nozzle’s broken,” came the reply, and H and I had two pints of dreadful Hen, before retreating to an equally grotty boozer. And it’s not as if we’d asked for the Palace/City game or anything equally provocative! After which the game itself was predictably – by you, and most of the Cardiff-based ITFC fans (yes, we do exist in small numbers) – dreadful, so I’ll say no more about it, as I certainly don’t to want to relive it, thanks very much!
I went home and had more fun with my pals at the India Gate. You’ll recall the incident in which the common nature of my surname featured strongly. Bernadette made sure to mention this possible problem when she rang the order through, and I was greeted royally. In fact, in echoes of the afternoon, I was seen out the door with a chorus of “There’s only one Paul Evans!”
After the football Janice and I were out on another birthday celebration. Following on from the birthday of the landlady of the Fox two weeks earlier, this time it was the turn of her partner Mick. Just three couples, two less than on the previous celebration, set out for a Spanish evening in a tapas bar in Camberley. After an average, overpriced meal we returned to the local, slightly worse for wear, for a night cap.
As you all know, in the immortal words of Danny Baker, “There is no such thing as the one” and the time that we stumbled out of the pub has been a matter of some debate but thought to be sometime between 3 and 4 a.m. The actual time we got to bed is somewhat further confused by the clocks moving forward.
Unfortunately what didn’t move forward was the fact that I had to work in about 2 hours after I got to bed. Yes I should have got it out of the way on Saturday morning but I didn’t get where I am today by doing that which can be put off until tomorrow.
If I hadn’t realised before this weekend I am now fully aware that I am definitely too old for all this.
Back to the serious business of gardening and now that BST is with us and Spring is just about springing, I am sure you will all be ready for action in the garden over the coming Easter week-end. In the next entry I will continue with the theme of biodynamic gardening and explain how to get the best from your plants by following the phases of the moon.
In the meantime this will help you “toon up".
Monday, 29 March 2010
Another lost weekend!
At the start of the season the newly re-laid playing surface at El Cherrio resembled that of Portman Road in it's prime.
Tuesday, 16 March 2010
Busy Times
Much has happened since my last entry and I have been far to busy to do anything remotely stupid or amusing apart from a minor incident involving mushy peas.
My mother who is approaching 102 and has been living with us for the last 12 years has made the move to Randell House care home, which is about 10 minutes walk from where we live in Cove.
Although physically sound though very frail, (she’s the only one of the three of us not on any regular daily medication), her dementia had reached the stage where we could no longer continue to look after her.
However, Janice and I can now start living our own life again. We have had a long weekend at Hastings and a very hectic social calendar involving two birthday celebratory nights out, and for Janice a “mothers day” night out with the girls.
It’s been so long that we had forgotten the joys of having a row at the supermarket and how much easier it is for two people to stumble home from the pub.
Work has also started in earnest at the allotment. The polytunnel has been restored to its former glory, albeit with a brand new cover, potato bags have been planted up and carrots, radishes and beetroot sowed. The raised beds are being weeded and prepared for the coming season.
Meanwhile in the greenhouse indoor tomatoes, peppers, chillies, melons, cucumbers and aubergines have all been potted on as have two varieties of early lettuces for the polytunnel.
One of the most noticeable differences, apart from the flavour and taste, when you “grow your own” is that vegetables and fruit have seasons as opposed to supermarket all year round produce. This inevitably means that however well you organise and stagger your planting there are times when you have a glut of one or more fruit or vegetable.
It is therefore always interesting to find alternative ways or preparing your produce and I can strongly recommend “The Allotment Gardener’s Cookbook” by Ann Nicol, which I have already made reference to in an earlier entry, containing over 70 recipes for vegetables and fruit dishes, jams and chutneys.
Unfortunately the book is out of print and only used copies are available on the internet. However I have found a source of a few copies at £10.00 each a saving of £2.00 on the published price. If anyone out there is interested let me know and I will try and get you a copy.
On the soccer front after a fine win on Saturday against a plucky Merthyr Tydfil side, which included the unfortunately named Kris Leek on the left wing, Boro are now 13 points clear at the top of the Zameretto Premier with 12 matches left to be played. Promotion to the Blue Square (Conference) South is on the horizon.
Finally, as it is the time of the year to consider holiday options I thought I would bring to your attention this resort as a possible destination:
Hey Ho
My mother who is approaching 102 and has been living with us for the last 12 years has made the move to Randell House care home, which is about 10 minutes walk from where we live in Cove.
Although physically sound though very frail, (she’s the only one of the three of us not on any regular daily medication), her dementia had reached the stage where we could no longer continue to look after her.
However, Janice and I can now start living our own life again. We have had a long weekend at Hastings and a very hectic social calendar involving two birthday celebratory nights out, and for Janice a “mothers day” night out with the girls.
It’s been so long that we had forgotten the joys of having a row at the supermarket and how much easier it is for two people to stumble home from the pub.
Work has also started in earnest at the allotment. The polytunnel has been restored to its former glory, albeit with a brand new cover, potato bags have been planted up and carrots, radishes and beetroot sowed. The raised beds are being weeded and prepared for the coming season.
Meanwhile in the greenhouse indoor tomatoes, peppers, chillies, melons, cucumbers and aubergines have all been potted on as have two varieties of early lettuces for the polytunnel.
One of the most noticeable differences, apart from the flavour and taste, when you “grow your own” is that vegetables and fruit have seasons as opposed to supermarket all year round produce. This inevitably means that however well you organise and stagger your planting there are times when you have a glut of one or more fruit or vegetable.
It is therefore always interesting to find alternative ways or preparing your produce and I can strongly recommend “The Allotment Gardener’s Cookbook” by Ann Nicol, which I have already made reference to in an earlier entry, containing over 70 recipes for vegetables and fruit dishes, jams and chutneys.
Unfortunately the book is out of print and only used copies are available on the internet. However I have found a source of a few copies at £10.00 each a saving of £2.00 on the published price. If anyone out there is interested let me know and I will try and get you a copy.
On the soccer front after a fine win on Saturday against a plucky Merthyr Tydfil side, which included the unfortunately named Kris Leek on the left wing, Boro are now 13 points clear at the top of the Zameretto Premier with 12 matches left to be played. Promotion to the Blue Square (Conference) South is on the horizon.
Finally, as it is the time of the year to consider holiday options I thought I would bring to your attention this resort as a possible destination:
Hey Ho
Tuesday, 2 March 2010
Reflections on Retirement
Into March already and any time now the April edition of Kitchen Garden will be dropping on the door mat.
At least the rain has stopped although sadly the allotment is looking more like a paddy field than a vegetable plot. My autumn planted onion sets, well those that haven't already been pulled out by the pigeons, are floating on the surface.
Not only has it been very wet in this area but also we have had some very high winds.
Here is a photo of my polytunnel in which I was planning to get some extra early crops.
At least the rain has stopped although sadly the allotment is looking more like a paddy field than a vegetable plot. My autumn planted onion sets, well those that haven't already been pulled out by the pigeons, are floating on the surface.
Not only has it been very wet in this area but also we have had some very high winds.
Here is a photo of my polytunnel in which I was planning to get some extra early crops.
The more observant of you will notice that the "poly" element of the tunnel has gone AWOL. I would be grateful if anyone with any information on it's whereabouts, suspected to be somewhere in the Camberley area, could contact me ASAP as I have lots of young seedlings ready to be planted.
I have just read Colin Cotterill's latest Dr. Siri investigation, "The Curse of the Pogo Stick" in which there is a paragraph describing the effect of retirement on his good friend Comrade Civilai :
"Civilai had expanded in all directions like a man released from the grip of atmospheric pressure."
Well it's nearly four years since I bowed out and I can thoroughly recommend it.
However, I am constantly reminded of just how lucky I have been for there is not a week goes by when I don't think back to my last meeting with my late, great friend and colleague Alby Jolly when, over a pint or three, he was enthusiastically telling me of his plans to follow my lead after his next birthday.
Annoyingly there has been no response from 3 Mobile's Scottish Office, however my experiences did elicit the following excellent riposte from the Welsh bard:
Oh what tangled webs are wove
When you’re Baltzer, man of Cove!
In the complex IT maze,
Chris has had his better days,
But, desirous of a dongle,
Baltzer’s day went badly wrongle,
As, to Chris’s great frustration
He experienced something Asian...
It’s nice to know that mobile phones
Connect us all to distant zones,
But it’s a bummer when, perhaps,
We’re forced to chat with foreign chaps
Who claim to speak for British firms –
And open up a can of worms.
Their attitudes and accents are
Offensive to young Balthazar...
Commendably, our Mr B –
Who knows a bit about IT -
Maintained a modicum of calm,
Composure, and surprising charm.
And, to his credit – which, they said
He lacked – young Baltzer kept his head,
And kept his contract and his phone...
And entertained us with his moan!
Must sign off for now as I have to practice my telephone manner for the impending call to Rab C. Nesbitt
Sunday, 21 February 2010
All roads lead to Calcutta
As promised, if you've got half an hour, I'm going to tell you a story.
You must also understand that I was once a Customer Support Manager and ran a pretty dam successful Help Desk.
Once upon a time in a retail outlet near you I successfully signed up for a mobile phone contract with 3 Mobile.
Last Friday I decided to procure a netbook with mobile broadband. Apparently these days, even in gardening circles, you’re no one unless you have a nice shiny “Dongle”!
As I am a customer with 3 Mobile (and they offered by far the best deal) I returned to said retail outlet, tried out the equipment to my satisfaction and sat down with a salesperson with an unpronounceable name to complete the application.
After 10 minutes of questions, answers and hectic keyboard activity, (all for information already known to 3 Mobile as I hastened to point out), we were presented with the message - “CREDIT CHECK FAILED”.
“How can that possibly be” I exclaimed, “I’m a fine upstanding member of the community and a non-defaulting existing customer.”
“I must have entered something wrong”, explained the salesperson with an unpronounceable name.
Another 10 minutes of hectic keyboard action followed only to be greeted with the same message.
“Sorry Sir, I can’t take your application any further. You can contact 3 Moblie support to appeal against the decision”, muttered the salesperson with an unpronounceable name, with total disinterest.
Now I have done some pretty stupid things in my 63 years but I didn’t get where I am today by running up bad debts and I sat in the shop speechless and in a state of shock.
Checking my watch I realised that I was in danger of rounding of a bad hair day with a parking ticket so, after politely telling the salesperson with an unpronounceable name precisely where to stick his "Dongle", realising immediately that this wasn’t actually possible, I beat a hasty retreat.
Returning home, crest fallen and "dongleless", I checked my Experian credit report online and, as expected, it was squeaky clean.
Since being the victim of identity fraud three years ago I have Identity Protection Insurance with a company called CPP which includes membership of Experian the credit checking company. I rang CPP and they confirmed that there was no reason why my application should have failed and I should seek an explanation from 3 Mobile.
Now the fun starts. I ring 3 Mobile support and after negotiating a dozen menu options and entering my mobile phone number three times I am placed in a queue.
After several minutes I am put through:
“Good afternoon, you are speaking to Sadiq , how may I be helping you today?”.
My heart sank, but determined to sort this out once and for all I explained simply and slowly my problem.
There followed a lengthy explanation by Sadiq of how 3 Mobile determine an applicants credit score. I thanked him for his word perfect response and explained that I didn’t care how they worked out my credit rating but that I required to know the reason I had failed it, preferably sooner rather than later. After rejecting more scripted responses from Sadiq, blood pressure rising by the minute, I finally hit the jackpot.
“Would you like me to email you a document that will be explaining your application?”
I gratefully accepted this offer, having first confirmed with Sadiq that it would detail the reason my application failed.
“Thank you for your time today Mr Balthasar I will forward you the document immediately”.
I replaced the receiver pleased that I had achieved my goal.
15 minutes later an email arrived. I eagerly opened the attachment only to find I had been sent a generic document explaining how 3 Mobile works out your credit score and an address, in Glasgow, to appeal against their decision.
Bloody marvellous, I thought, out of the frying pan and into the fire! Now I’ve got to deal with a Rab C. Nesbitt look-alike. Thankfully there was just an address no phone number.
As the weekend progressed the more I thought about this the more unhappy I became. Why should I do all the work, after all they were in the wrong?
First thing Monday morning I found out the phone number of 3 Mobile’s Head Office.
I rang them and asked to speak to someone who deals with Customer Care or Customer Complaints.
“Certainly Sir, I’ll put you straight through”.
Result, I am thinking, especially as the phone rings straight away with no minefield of menus or options.
“Good morning, you are speaking to Aseem, how may I be helping you today?”
I slammed the phone down and looked for a cat to kick.
Three hours later and refreshed with a couple of Moorland Originals I decided to give India one more chance.
After once again negotiating the lengthy preliminaries I am greeted with the usual response:
“Good afternoon, you are speaking to Sharmila, how may I be helping you?”
I explained at length my predicament and asked if I could speak to someone in their credit department.
She politely explained that this was not possible but she would be contacting them for an explanation and be phoning me back in 2 hours time.
I reluctantly agreed.
Now this is when poor young Sharmila made a big mistake.
“Is there anything else I can be helping you with today Mr. Balthasar?”
“Indeed there is madam. I would like you to cancel my mobile phone contract”.
“I am very sorry to here that Mr. Balthasar”, she responded, hastily searching for the relevant script. “May I be asking why you are wanting to cancel?”
NOT in my humble opinion a career move question!
“BECAUSE I AM …… “, I hear the kitchen door close, Janice wisely deciding that she no longer wishes to be party to this telephone call, “TOTALLY PISSED OFF WITH 3 MOBILE”.
“Please be holding on sir I will check your contract details. I am seeing that you are having 12 months of your contract left and that you will be liable to be paying the rental for that period”.
Having already done by homework, I smugly pointed out that I would not be parting with any of my hard earned retirement bounty and that, under section 10 paragraph C of their terms and conditions, 3Mobile were entitled to cancel a contract with immediate effect if the customer failed a credit check.
“I have failed your credit check therefore I want you to terminate my contract immediately, at no cost to myself”, I demanded triumphantly.
“I am not sure I can be doing that Mr. Balthasar, I will have to be checking with our legal department and phoning you back”.
Satisfied that I had made my point I thanked her for her time and that I would be looking forward to her return calls.
An hour later I received a call:
“Good afternoon Mr. Balthassar, this is Japendra speaking from the Credit Department of 3 Mobile. I am pleased to be reporting that we have sorted out the misunderstanding with your application and that if you return to your store your application will now be accepted”.
I tried to explain that I no longer had any intention of entering into a contract with 3 Mobile but required an explanation as to why the application failed in the first place and that nothing would be recorded against my name.
“I cannot be telling you that over the phone Mr. Balthasar but I can be sending you a document explaining our credit checking procedure and giving you an address in Glasgow to be writing to”.
At this point I just gave up. They just wear you down.
The outcome – I have written a polite letter to Rab C. Nesbitt requesting an explanation, an apology and perhaps a teensy weensy bit of compensation for the worry and sleepless nights that this whole incident has caused a retired elderly couple both already suffering from ill health and high blood pressure.
Last Friday I decided to procure a netbook with mobile broadband. Apparently these days, even in gardening circles, you’re no one unless you have a nice shiny “Dongle”!
As I am a customer with 3 Mobile (and they offered by far the best deal) I returned to said retail outlet, tried out the equipment to my satisfaction and sat down with a salesperson with an unpronounceable name to complete the application.
After 10 minutes of questions, answers and hectic keyboard activity, (all for information already known to 3 Mobile as I hastened to point out), we were presented with the message - “CREDIT CHECK FAILED”.
“How can that possibly be” I exclaimed, “I’m a fine upstanding member of the community and a non-defaulting existing customer.”
“I must have entered something wrong”, explained the salesperson with an unpronounceable name.
Another 10 minutes of hectic keyboard action followed only to be greeted with the same message.
“Sorry Sir, I can’t take your application any further. You can contact 3 Moblie support to appeal against the decision”, muttered the salesperson with an unpronounceable name, with total disinterest.
Now I have done some pretty stupid things in my 63 years but I didn’t get where I am today by running up bad debts and I sat in the shop speechless and in a state of shock.
Checking my watch I realised that I was in danger of rounding of a bad hair day with a parking ticket so, after politely telling the salesperson with an unpronounceable name precisely where to stick his "Dongle", realising immediately that this wasn’t actually possible, I beat a hasty retreat.
Returning home, crest fallen and "dongleless", I checked my Experian credit report online and, as expected, it was squeaky clean.
Since being the victim of identity fraud three years ago I have Identity Protection Insurance with a company called CPP which includes membership of Experian the credit checking company. I rang CPP and they confirmed that there was no reason why my application should have failed and I should seek an explanation from 3 Mobile.
Now the fun starts. I ring 3 Mobile support and after negotiating a dozen menu options and entering my mobile phone number three times I am placed in a queue.
After several minutes I am put through:
“Good afternoon, you are speaking to Sadiq , how may I be helping you today?”.
My heart sank, but determined to sort this out once and for all I explained simply and slowly my problem.
There followed a lengthy explanation by Sadiq of how 3 Mobile determine an applicants credit score. I thanked him for his word perfect response and explained that I didn’t care how they worked out my credit rating but that I required to know the reason I had failed it, preferably sooner rather than later. After rejecting more scripted responses from Sadiq, blood pressure rising by the minute, I finally hit the jackpot.
“Would you like me to email you a document that will be explaining your application?”
I gratefully accepted this offer, having first confirmed with Sadiq that it would detail the reason my application failed.
“Thank you for your time today Mr Balthasar I will forward you the document immediately”.
I replaced the receiver pleased that I had achieved my goal.
15 minutes later an email arrived. I eagerly opened the attachment only to find I had been sent a generic document explaining how 3 Mobile works out your credit score and an address, in Glasgow, to appeal against their decision.
Bloody marvellous, I thought, out of the frying pan and into the fire! Now I’ve got to deal with a Rab C. Nesbitt look-alike. Thankfully there was just an address no phone number.
As the weekend progressed the more I thought about this the more unhappy I became. Why should I do all the work, after all they were in the wrong?
First thing Monday morning I found out the phone number of 3 Mobile’s Head Office.
I rang them and asked to speak to someone who deals with Customer Care or Customer Complaints.
“Certainly Sir, I’ll put you straight through”.
Result, I am thinking, especially as the phone rings straight away with no minefield of menus or options.
“Good morning, you are speaking to Aseem, how may I be helping you today?”
I slammed the phone down and looked for a cat to kick.
Three hours later and refreshed with a couple of Moorland Originals I decided to give India one more chance.
After once again negotiating the lengthy preliminaries I am greeted with the usual response:
“Good afternoon, you are speaking to Sharmila, how may I be helping you?”
I explained at length my predicament and asked if I could speak to someone in their credit department.
She politely explained that this was not possible but she would be contacting them for an explanation and be phoning me back in 2 hours time.
I reluctantly agreed.
Now this is when poor young Sharmila made a big mistake.
“Is there anything else I can be helping you with today Mr. Balthasar?”
“Indeed there is madam. I would like you to cancel my mobile phone contract”.
“I am very sorry to here that Mr. Balthasar”, she responded, hastily searching for the relevant script. “May I be asking why you are wanting to cancel?”
NOT in my humble opinion a career move question!
“BECAUSE I AM …… “, I hear the kitchen door close, Janice wisely deciding that she no longer wishes to be party to this telephone call, “TOTALLY PISSED OFF WITH 3 MOBILE”.
“Please be holding on sir I will check your contract details. I am seeing that you are having 12 months of your contract left and that you will be liable to be paying the rental for that period”.
Having already done by homework, I smugly pointed out that I would not be parting with any of my hard earned retirement bounty and that, under section 10 paragraph C of their terms and conditions, 3Mobile were entitled to cancel a contract with immediate effect if the customer failed a credit check.
“I have failed your credit check therefore I want you to terminate my contract immediately, at no cost to myself”, I demanded triumphantly.
“I am not sure I can be doing that Mr. Balthasar, I will have to be checking with our legal department and phoning you back”.
Satisfied that I had made my point I thanked her for her time and that I would be looking forward to her return calls.
An hour later I received a call:
“Good afternoon Mr. Balthassar, this is Japendra speaking from the Credit Department of 3 Mobile. I am pleased to be reporting that we have sorted out the misunderstanding with your application and that if you return to your store your application will now be accepted”.
I tried to explain that I no longer had any intention of entering into a contract with 3 Mobile but required an explanation as to why the application failed in the first place and that nothing would be recorded against my name.
“I cannot be telling you that over the phone Mr. Balthasar but I can be sending you a document explaining our credit checking procedure and giving you an address in Glasgow to be writing to”.
At this point I just gave up. They just wear you down.
The outcome – I have written a polite letter to Rab C. Nesbitt requesting an explanation, an apology and perhaps a teensy weensy bit of compensation for the worry and sleepless nights that this whole incident has caused a retired elderly couple both already suffering from ill health and high blood pressure.
If truth be known, I've thoroughly enjoyed it!
And I will, of course, keep you informed of any response.
And yes, I still have a 3 Mobile phone and yes I have posted this entry from my recently acquired Netbook complete with 3 Mobile “dongle”.
Annoyingly they are by far the cheapest and we didn’t get where we are today by laying out more than we need to, did we?.
So remember, before phoning a Call Centre, beware - all roads lead to Calcutta or do they????
Friday, 19 February 2010
The Battle of Evesham
In 1265 the King’s men won a famous victory against the rebels of Simon de Montfort at the Vale of Evesham. A feat that was to be repeated nearly 750 years later by Steve King’s men last Saturday but this time the scene of the battle was not the tranquil banks of the river Avon but the blood stained fields of Cherrywood Road.
The victors - Steve King’s battle scarred Farnborough FC, the vanquished – Paul West’s Evesham United.
The game can be summed in the words of manager King:
“The visitor’s tactics went beyond the boundaries of fair football combat. Some of their challenges were appalling”.
None more so than the kick to the head of top goal scorer Dean McDonald in the first half by the Evesham skipper, after the whistle had been blown for a foul and which went completely unpunished by the wimp of a referee resulting in the striker leaving the field with blood pouring from a broken nose.
The statistics:
FFC 3
1 yellow card
2 players unfit to continue as a direct result of cynical fouls
Evesham United 1
8 yellow cards
2 red cards (during the game)
1 red card (after the final whistle)
Manager banished from the touchline
Visitors changing room door kicked in.
Two 5 minute 18 man brawls.
Having said all that it’s 3 more points and in the words of my fellow blogger Mike, after the game, “That was damned good value for money!”
The Battle of Evesham was just a small diversion for me, in a week that has been dominated by my own personal battle with 3 Mobile.
I will relate the full story on Sunday.
In the meantime I leave you with this. It's a funny old game.
The victors - Steve King’s battle scarred Farnborough FC, the vanquished – Paul West’s Evesham United.
The game can be summed in the words of manager King:
“The visitor’s tactics went beyond the boundaries of fair football combat. Some of their challenges were appalling”.
None more so than the kick to the head of top goal scorer Dean McDonald in the first half by the Evesham skipper, after the whistle had been blown for a foul and which went completely unpunished by the wimp of a referee resulting in the striker leaving the field with blood pouring from a broken nose.
The statistics:
FFC 3
1 yellow card
2 players unfit to continue as a direct result of cynical fouls
Evesham United 1
8 yellow cards
2 red cards (during the game)
1 red card (after the final whistle)
Manager banished from the touchline
Visitors changing room door kicked in.
Two 5 minute 18 man brawls.
Having said all that it’s 3 more points and in the words of my fellow blogger Mike, after the game, “That was damned good value for money!”
The Battle of Evesham was just a small diversion for me, in a week that has been dominated by my own personal battle with 3 Mobile.
I will relate the full story on Sunday.
In the meantime I leave you with this. It's a funny old game.
Thursday, 11 February 2010
IPARIP
I will start with the bad news.
Still reeling from the announcement that Greene King had ended their offer of IPA at £1.99 a pint, I was hit with the KO blow. Hayley, the landlady of the Fox, in her infinite wisdom has decided that the pub can no longer justify offering two real ales on hand-pump and, in future, will only be serving Moorlands Original.
Eminently drinkable though it is, MO just hasn’t got the same ring about it as IPA.
Not the end of the world you may be thinking but this is my last tenable daily connection with God’s Own County!
In a desperate attempt to justify her actions Hayley has decided to replace the Ruddles keg with Greene King IPA Smooth to be offered at £1.99 a pint.
Following my near self exploding experience with this at the Rec two weeks ago I think I will give it a wide berth.
So much for the so called re-emergence of proper beer. I feel an odd ode from the Welsh Bard coming on.
And the week-end started so well with England’s fine victory over the Taffs not to mention the fine performance of our under 20’s the previous evening in the warm up match and the Ladies in their corresponding fixture.
Instead of a lament from EvansAbove bemoaning this fine English treble, I received this report of his post match adventures:
“And so it came to pass that yesterday, just as the Twickers ref brought the curtain down on one pantomime, another one kicked off. From Harry’s end of the Village, this particular phenomenon isn’t so apparent, but when the wind comes from beyond the M4 interchange we get the full nasal treat as the Bombay, the Khazi and the India Gate combine their aromas. We keep saying that one day we’ll try the first named pair, but as the Gate is no more than eighty yards away, we use them for our sporadic takeaways. But there may be a change.
It’s not as if I’m a regular there, but I did notice that it was a new man on the restaurant’s ‘welcome’ desk. He evidently hadn’t been here long, as he started spelling my surname with an ‘H’! As ever, and it’s hardly worth buying an expensive lager while I’m waiting, I strolled home fighting my way through the weeping masses in their Brains sponsored tops. Twenty minutes later, I was back at the Gate, which was now beginning to get busy – with sad fans. “Takeaway for Evans”, I said, forgetting to aspirate my name, and number 42 duly arrived, with P. Evans clearly on the receipt...
Unpacking the bag, maybe two minutes later, I spotted Lamb Bhuna on one of the containers and realised it was the wrong selection of goodies, however appealingly they were smelling. I replaced them neatly in the bag, and made my third excursion through streets now damp with losers’ tears (you’re loving this, admit it! And it is the 30th anniversary of Ringer being sent off at Twickers...)
Back at the Gate, there followed a scene the Marx Bros would have been proud of, as the new man was given a bollocking and one of them scuttled off for the correct order. Yes, Baltzer, mine was P. Evans, but number bloody 43.
While this was going on, a bloke I’d never seen before walked in, and asked for his meal – name, P. Evans (we all drop our aitches around ere!) So, naturally I introduced myself and we shook hands. You must admit, it’s a novel way of meeting people, though I wonder if they explained that his meal had already done one lap of Whitchurch. As I left – with what turned out to be excellent nosh, unaffected by in-transit stumbles, despite the extremely wet pavements, now running with blood as well as tears – approximately ten Asians were arguing unintelligibly. Well, not wholly so, as I did understand the one word that cropped up quite frequently – “Hevans” ... "
Pleasing to know that I’m not the only person starring in takeaway comedies.
Still reeling from the announcement that Greene King had ended their offer of IPA at £1.99 a pint, I was hit with the KO blow. Hayley, the landlady of the Fox, in her infinite wisdom has decided that the pub can no longer justify offering two real ales on hand-pump and, in future, will only be serving Moorlands Original.
Eminently drinkable though it is, MO just hasn’t got the same ring about it as IPA.
Not the end of the world you may be thinking but this is my last tenable daily connection with God’s Own County!
In a desperate attempt to justify her actions Hayley has decided to replace the Ruddles keg with Greene King IPA Smooth to be offered at £1.99 a pint.
Following my near self exploding experience with this at the Rec two weeks ago I think I will give it a wide berth.
So much for the so called re-emergence of proper beer. I feel an odd ode from the Welsh Bard coming on.
And the week-end started so well with England’s fine victory over the Taffs not to mention the fine performance of our under 20’s the previous evening in the warm up match and the Ladies in their corresponding fixture.
Instead of a lament from EvansAbove bemoaning this fine English treble, I received this report of his post match adventures:
“And so it came to pass that yesterday, just as the Twickers ref brought the curtain down on one pantomime, another one kicked off. From Harry’s end of the Village, this particular phenomenon isn’t so apparent, but when the wind comes from beyond the M4 interchange we get the full nasal treat as the Bombay, the Khazi and the India Gate combine their aromas. We keep saying that one day we’ll try the first named pair, but as the Gate is no more than eighty yards away, we use them for our sporadic takeaways. But there may be a change.
It’s not as if I’m a regular there, but I did notice that it was a new man on the restaurant’s ‘welcome’ desk. He evidently hadn’t been here long, as he started spelling my surname with an ‘H’! As ever, and it’s hardly worth buying an expensive lager while I’m waiting, I strolled home fighting my way through the weeping masses in their Brains sponsored tops. Twenty minutes later, I was back at the Gate, which was now beginning to get busy – with sad fans. “Takeaway for Evans”, I said, forgetting to aspirate my name, and number 42 duly arrived, with P. Evans clearly on the receipt...
Unpacking the bag, maybe two minutes later, I spotted Lamb Bhuna on one of the containers and realised it was the wrong selection of goodies, however appealingly they were smelling. I replaced them neatly in the bag, and made my third excursion through streets now damp with losers’ tears (you’re loving this, admit it! And it is the 30th anniversary of Ringer being sent off at Twickers...)
Back at the Gate, there followed a scene the Marx Bros would have been proud of, as the new man was given a bollocking and one of them scuttled off for the correct order. Yes, Baltzer, mine was P. Evans, but number bloody 43.
While this was going on, a bloke I’d never seen before walked in, and asked for his meal – name, P. Evans (we all drop our aitches around ere!) So, naturally I introduced myself and we shook hands. You must admit, it’s a novel way of meeting people, though I wonder if they explained that his meal had already done one lap of Whitchurch. As I left – with what turned out to be excellent nosh, unaffected by in-transit stumbles, despite the extremely wet pavements, now running with blood as well as tears – approximately ten Asians were arguing unintelligibly. Well, not wholly so, as I did understand the one word that cropped up quite frequently – “Hevans” ... "
Pleasing to know that I’m not the only person starring in takeaway comedies.
The highlight of the week was the receipt of my new fruit bushes which I mentioned briefly last week.
John Stoa, an artist and gardener, who lives in Dundee came across this fruit, which is very similar in appearance and taste to blueberries, being grown commercially while visiting Canada.
On his return to Scotland he discovered that Amelanchier alnifolia is quite widely grown in the UK as an ornamental shrub, not for it's black berries which are produced in large numbers and mainly left for the birds, but for it's attractive white spring flowers. Saskatoons, as the fruit are called, have similar nutrients to blueberries but in higher levels. They grow faster and taller than blueberries, do not require acidic soil conditions and have very few pests and diseases likely to trouble them. Saskatoons contain high levels of antitoxins which may help prevent heart disease, strokes, cancer, cataracts and other chronic illnesses, can be used as fresh fruit and also processed for jams, jellies, chutneys, pie fillings, yoghurts, syrups, juice concentrates, cider, wine and liqueurs.
Sounds like a pretty "tooned" in fruit to me.
On his return to Scotland he discovered that Amelanchier alnifolia is quite widely grown in the UK as an ornamental shrub, not for it's black berries which are produced in large numbers and mainly left for the birds, but for it's attractive white spring flowers. Saskatoons, as the fruit are called, have similar nutrients to blueberries but in higher levels. They grow faster and taller than blueberries, do not require acidic soil conditions and have very few pests and diseases likely to trouble them. Saskatoons contain high levels of antitoxins which may help prevent heart disease, strokes, cancer, cataracts and other chronic illnesses, can be used as fresh fruit and also processed for jams, jellies, chutneys, pie fillings, yoghurts, syrups, juice concentrates, cider, wine and liqueurs.
Sounds like a pretty "tooned" in fruit to me.
Full details of the shrub and how to obtain them can be found on John's website:
Why not try some - you know it makes sense!
Back on the greenhouse front more seeds have been sown this week for early crops aubergines, tomatoes, peppers, chillis, cucumbers, okra and melon. A bit behind Kitchen Gardens schedule which will probably be telling me to pick them in next months issue. Call me old fashioned but I'll stick with Arthur's 1936 timetable.
I leave you for another week with this final memory of Suffolk's own Indian Pale Ale (RIP)
Greene King IPA, an award winning beer
Award-winning Greene King IPA is a great-tasting beer, loved by drinkers across the world.
This hoppy, refreshing beer is brewed in the historic market town of Bury St Edmunds, in the heart of Suffolk, where brewing has been an important part of the town's history even as far back as 1086 when brewing in the town was recorded in the Domesday Book.
Saturday, 6 February 2010
March already?
Another week, another month, another entry.
This Friday evening passed without incident although I did have to promise not to bring back a Chinese takeaway.
Unfortunately Saturday’s match at the Rec was not a classic by any stretch of the imagination. In fact the first half was awful. However, fully gassed up from copious quantities of keg IPA consumed prior to KO we had a most enjoyable afternoon. Many thanks to our host Walkerman for his generosity.
On Sunday I received a missive from the Welsh bard describing how, on Friday evening, he had been involved in a fracas with a large group of “Taffettes" on the mean streets of Whitchurch while on his way home from his local boozer. Sounded quite scary and not something that fine upstanding mature old boys like us should be involved in.
It reminded me of a situation I once found myself in some 40 years before. Whilst driving past Portman Road, on the morning of a home game, in my newly acquired Triumph Herald Estate I encountered a group of a dozen or so away fans, Manchester City I seem to recall, who had arrived early and were kicking a football around in the road. I applied a suitable long blast of horn and put my foot down. As they leapt out of my way one of them kicked the ball at the car scoring a direct hit to the passenger door. I screeched to a halt and leapt out of the car intending to give the culprit a slapped wrist. The 12 fans were immediately joined by 50 or 60 others who came bearing down on me intent on ripping me apart. Now in those days I didn’t get where I was by turning my back on a fight so I leapt back in the car and got the hell out of it.
Moral of the story, if you are outnumbered, leg it! The problem is at our age it is not always possible to sustain a chase especially when overserved with IPA on a Friday night.
I suppose I’m lucky that the only antagonists I seem to encounter these days are wet leaves and kerbs.
On Monday, I braved a visit to my waterlogged plot and repaired the damage to the polytunnel caused by the snow. Repairs to the fruit cage are still at the planning stage. It doesn’t pay to rush into big projects.
I returned home to find that the March edition of Kitchen Garden had been delivered. Now I didn’t get where I am today by being told what to do but a list of tasks as a reminder is very useful to a gardener as timing is so critical in getting the best from your crops.
What I don’t want to be reading on February 1st is what to do during March just because the publishers want to get their bloody magazine on the shelf before their competitors. I have only just started planning for February let alone March and before I have even started March’s tasks I will have received the April edition and probably can’t find the previous one anyway. What nonsense! I think I'll rely on what Arthur was doing 1936.
The magazine did contain a very interesting article about a chap in Dundee who is trying to single-handedly introduce a new fruit crop to the UK. Needless to say I have purchased three plants and await their arrival with anticipation. You know you are getting old when you get excited about a shrub! My mate Savo would be proud of me. Full details about this plant and how to obtain them next week.
A few more seeds have been sown in the greenhouse (on the correct Moon days of course) and hopefully we will be rewarded with lots of early produce from the polytunnel.
The highlight of my week was the delivery of the new Pat Metheny CD entitled “Orchestrion” where he controls and plays all the specially built instruments from his guitar via solenoids. He continues to extend the boundaries of electric jazz to new limits.
See what you think in this 40 second preview.
Interested?
Here’s a 7 minute preview and narrative by the man himself.
He has just embarked on a 5 month tour of Europe, America, Canada and the Far East playing a total of 85 venues.
Bit of a logistical nightmare with that much equipment and instruments. No band members to pay though!
This Friday evening passed without incident although I did have to promise not to bring back a Chinese takeaway.
Unfortunately Saturday’s match at the Rec was not a classic by any stretch of the imagination. In fact the first half was awful. However, fully gassed up from copious quantities of keg IPA consumed prior to KO we had a most enjoyable afternoon. Many thanks to our host Walkerman for his generosity.
On Sunday I received a missive from the Welsh bard describing how, on Friday evening, he had been involved in a fracas with a large group of “Taffettes" on the mean streets of Whitchurch while on his way home from his local boozer. Sounded quite scary and not something that fine upstanding mature old boys like us should be involved in.
It reminded me of a situation I once found myself in some 40 years before. Whilst driving past Portman Road, on the morning of a home game, in my newly acquired Triumph Herald Estate I encountered a group of a dozen or so away fans, Manchester City I seem to recall, who had arrived early and were kicking a football around in the road. I applied a suitable long blast of horn and put my foot down. As they leapt out of my way one of them kicked the ball at the car scoring a direct hit to the passenger door. I screeched to a halt and leapt out of the car intending to give the culprit a slapped wrist. The 12 fans were immediately joined by 50 or 60 others who came bearing down on me intent on ripping me apart. Now in those days I didn’t get where I was by turning my back on a fight so I leapt back in the car and got the hell out of it.
Moral of the story, if you are outnumbered, leg it! The problem is at our age it is not always possible to sustain a chase especially when overserved with IPA on a Friday night.
I suppose I’m lucky that the only antagonists I seem to encounter these days are wet leaves and kerbs.
On Monday, I braved a visit to my waterlogged plot and repaired the damage to the polytunnel caused by the snow. Repairs to the fruit cage are still at the planning stage. It doesn’t pay to rush into big projects.
I returned home to find that the March edition of Kitchen Garden had been delivered. Now I didn’t get where I am today by being told what to do but a list of tasks as a reminder is very useful to a gardener as timing is so critical in getting the best from your crops.
What I don’t want to be reading on February 1st is what to do during March just because the publishers want to get their bloody magazine on the shelf before their competitors. I have only just started planning for February let alone March and before I have even started March’s tasks I will have received the April edition and probably can’t find the previous one anyway. What nonsense! I think I'll rely on what Arthur was doing 1936.
The magazine did contain a very interesting article about a chap in Dundee who is trying to single-handedly introduce a new fruit crop to the UK. Needless to say I have purchased three plants and await their arrival with anticipation. You know you are getting old when you get excited about a shrub! My mate Savo would be proud of me. Full details about this plant and how to obtain them next week.
A few more seeds have been sown in the greenhouse (on the correct Moon days of course) and hopefully we will be rewarded with lots of early produce from the polytunnel.
The highlight of my week was the delivery of the new Pat Metheny CD entitled “Orchestrion” where he controls and plays all the specially built instruments from his guitar via solenoids. He continues to extend the boundaries of electric jazz to new limits.
See what you think in this 40 second preview.
Interested?
Here’s a 7 minute preview and narrative by the man himself.
He has just embarked on a 5 month tour of Europe, America, Canada and the Far East playing a total of 85 venues.
Bit of a logistical nightmare with that much equipment and instruments. No band members to pay though!
Hey ho.
Friday, 29 January 2010
Fowl Owl on the Prowl
My adventures of last week prompted a significant email response from you.
Inexplicably none of them offered me sympathy. Instead, all of them expressed various degrees of mirth at my misfortunes. What a cynical old world we live in!
However my Welsh chum came up trumps as usual with another poetic masterpiece:
How does Baltzer’s garden grow?
The answer - many want to know,
But evidence is bound to show
Selenic theory’s phooey.
Though Chris’s crops may well amaze,
It’s not because of lunar rays,
But far too many IPAs
And sprinklings of chop suey!
The Ford on Friday afternoon
May keep the Baltzer mind in tune,
But slightly Foxed, and like a loon,
His take-away’s are failures.
Though Chris’s lack of shape and tact
May mean his crackers may be cracked,
He finds the sweet and sour will act
As compost on his dahlias!
Interestingly, since acquiring bread making technology Paul now barters loaves for pints at his local Fox and I suspect has a similar deal in place with the local vicar in exchange for the communional wine, as he markets his products under the banner "Bread of Evans".
For the non-classical students amongst you "Selenic Theory" is a reference to Selene (from the Latin Luna) the Greek goddess of the moon. Apologies to all those academics out there who were already conversant with this fact but having left full-time education at sixteen to pursue a career that would make me rich and famous, (which probably explains why I finished up as a gardener), I had to phone a friend, the Welsh bard himself, for an explanation.
I hate a smart ass!
Incidentally one email I received wanted to know if FFC was related to KFC. He's off my circulation list.
Farnborough Fried Chicken hasn't got the same kind of appeal somehow.
Talking about gardening at last there has been some activity. Spring onion, prize leek, early carrot and sweet pea seed have all been sowed and are tucked up nice and warm in the heated propagator. Early potatoes are chitting up nicely. I will, of course, report on their progress.
I am publishing this weeks episode early in order to alert you to the fact that Saturday (30th) is a full moon day and that you should attempt even less than you did at the half moon.
Above all don't venture out on the streets after dark.
Me, I'm off on a corporate jolly to Aldershot v Grimbsy, which will involve much eating and drinking and, unfortunately, second hand Roy "Chubby" Brown jokes that weren't very funny in the first place.
However, by the evening I will will tucked up in the warm watching one of my top 10 films, "In the Heat of the Night" I think.
I suggest you do the same and might I recommend this everyday story of country folk.
If that doesn't appeal then why not follow my lead with this classic from 1967
Must get a "45" of this song for my juke box.
Hey Ho!
Monday, 25 January 2010
That was the week that wasn't
Last week was an eminently forgettable week.
It started badly when my greenhouse paraffin heater caught fire while I was refilling it and, with the exception of a brief period of entertainment on Tuesday evening, went steadily downhill to the weekend.
On Friday I was severely over-served. First an early door with Walkerman and Mullard in the Old Ford was followed by a lengthy session in the Fox.
Returning home clutching a large bag of Chinese goodies, in high spirits (predominantly IPA) and full of anticipation of the big game the following day, I slipped backwards on a patch of wet leaves right outside Cotswold Towers. In a desperate attempt to stop my fall I lurched forward tripping on the kerb and landing face down like a sack of potatoes right on top of my Chinese takeaway. After a couple of minutes, first checking that no one had witnessed my fall, I clambered up, salvaged what was left of our Friday night banquet and stumbled in through the door.
Did I receive any sympathy from Janice?
Despite recounting in great detail how I had manfully fought off two drug crazed muggers intent on stealing our Chinky, all I got in the way of thanks was " the trouble with you is you drink too much"!
Resisting the temptation to remind my darling wife that I had made her fully aware of that fact 43 years earlier before she married me, I attended to my wounds and we ate our Friday night treat in silence, with rather a lot of very small prawn crackers and without any chicken and sweet corn soup or sweet and sour sauce which had combined to create a deadly looking cocktail in the bottom of the carrier bag.
Undaunted by these events the following morning, complete with cuts to the knee and bruised ribs, I arrived at Farnborough railway station with fellow ITFC fan journalist Jon at the appointed hour to catch the fast, no change train to Southampton Central, as recommended by a member of the Farnborough British Rail staff the previous day. What he had omitted to tell us was that due to engineering works between Woking and Basingstoke over the whole of the weekend it was not possible to board it or any other bloody train at Farnborough until Monday morning.
Now I didn't get where I am today by being wise after the event but at this juncture I now realise we should have cut our losses and retired gracefully to the Fox and watched the days FA Cup events unfold in the comfort of the bar with one or two pints.
However, blinded by FA Cup fever, we boarded a clapped out single decker bus along with 70 other unfortunates, predominantly kids under 16, and proceeded to crawl to Basingstoke station faithfully following the train route calling at Fleet, Winchfield and Hook stations, finally arriving over an hour later.
The day deteriorated horribly from this point on and I won't bore you with the details but suffice to say my blue and white scarf and bobble hat that witnessed Mick Mills lifting the FA Cup at Wembley some 33 years earlier have once again been consigned to the back of the wardrobe for another year.
The one highlight of the week was witnessing FFC destroy Banbury United's undefeated home record by a convincing 3 goals to nil. If ever there was case of one team being "In Toon" and the other "Out of Toon" this was it, particularly the young Banbury goal keeper - see picture from the match below.
At one point I felt so sorry for him I was on the point of offering him my pocket edition of "In Toon with the Moon" but soon came to my senses and rejoined in with the "Dodgy Dodgy Keeper" chant. Sentiment has no place at a soccer match!
It started badly when my greenhouse paraffin heater caught fire while I was refilling it and, with the exception of a brief period of entertainment on Tuesday evening, went steadily downhill to the weekend.
On Friday I was severely over-served. First an early door with Walkerman and Mullard in the Old Ford was followed by a lengthy session in the Fox.
Returning home clutching a large bag of Chinese goodies, in high spirits (predominantly IPA) and full of anticipation of the big game the following day, I slipped backwards on a patch of wet leaves right outside Cotswold Towers. In a desperate attempt to stop my fall I lurched forward tripping on the kerb and landing face down like a sack of potatoes right on top of my Chinese takeaway. After a couple of minutes, first checking that no one had witnessed my fall, I clambered up, salvaged what was left of our Friday night banquet and stumbled in through the door.
Did I receive any sympathy from Janice?
Despite recounting in great detail how I had manfully fought off two drug crazed muggers intent on stealing our Chinky, all I got in the way of thanks was " the trouble with you is you drink too much"!
Resisting the temptation to remind my darling wife that I had made her fully aware of that fact 43 years earlier before she married me, I attended to my wounds and we ate our Friday night treat in silence, with rather a lot of very small prawn crackers and without any chicken and sweet corn soup or sweet and sour sauce which had combined to create a deadly looking cocktail in the bottom of the carrier bag.
Undaunted by these events the following morning, complete with cuts to the knee and bruised ribs, I arrived at Farnborough railway station with fellow ITFC fan journalist Jon at the appointed hour to catch the fast, no change train to Southampton Central, as recommended by a member of the Farnborough British Rail staff the previous day. What he had omitted to tell us was that due to engineering works between Woking and Basingstoke over the whole of the weekend it was not possible to board it or any other bloody train at Farnborough until Monday morning.
Now I didn't get where I am today by being wise after the event but at this juncture I now realise we should have cut our losses and retired gracefully to the Fox and watched the days FA Cup events unfold in the comfort of the bar with one or two pints.
However, blinded by FA Cup fever, we boarded a clapped out single decker bus along with 70 other unfortunates, predominantly kids under 16, and proceeded to crawl to Basingstoke station faithfully following the train route calling at Fleet, Winchfield and Hook stations, finally arriving over an hour later.
The day deteriorated horribly from this point on and I won't bore you with the details but suffice to say my blue and white scarf and bobble hat that witnessed Mick Mills lifting the FA Cup at Wembley some 33 years earlier have once again been consigned to the back of the wardrobe for another year.
The one highlight of the week was witnessing FFC destroy Banbury United's undefeated home record by a convincing 3 goals to nil. If ever there was case of one team being "In Toon" and the other "Out of Toon" this was it, particularly the young Banbury goal keeper - see picture from the match below.
At one point I felt so sorry for him I was on the point of offering him my pocket edition of "In Toon with the Moon" but soon came to my senses and rejoined in with the "Dodgy Dodgy Keeper" chant. Sentiment has no place at a soccer match!
To finish have a look at this video of the ex Boro legend Rocky Baptiste playing for Harrow Borough to see how being "Out of Toon" and "In Toon" can apply to the same player:
What's he done! Must have been a full moon!
What's he done! Must have been a full moon!
Monday, 18 January 2010
Henry William Smith
Don't let anyone tell you that researching your family history will be easy.
I didn't get where I am today by being confused however I'm getting close to it.
As I may have already said there were two limbs of my Baltzer family in Whitechapel in the mid 1800’s, my great grandfather Heinrich Wilheim (H1) and his cousin Heinrich (H2).
The father of Heinrich (H2) was Heinrich (H3).
Towards the end of the 1860’s my great grandparents moved to Stamford in Lincolnshire and great grandfather Heinrich Wilheim (H1) became Henry William, presumably in an attempt to seamlessly slip into English rural society (although I suspect the surname would have been a bit of a giveaway!)
In 1868 their first child was born and he was named, yes you guessed it, Henry William (H4).
Meanwhile, back in Whitechapel, Heinrich (H3) had a son and he too named him Henry (H5).
In 1871 my great grandparents and young Henry (H4) moved to Ipswich and at the turn of the century great uncle Henry (H4) had a son, Henry William (H6)
Things went quiet on the Henry front for a few years but predictably, in 1937, Henry William (H6) had a son whom he, of course, named Henry William (H7).
So, if my great grandfather had gone the whole hog when he anglicised his name and my father had followed the family naming convention for his first born, I could be going through life as one Henry William Smith haunted by this dreadful attempt at a pop song.
Friday, 15 January 2010
A Notable Day
Those of you that are “In Toon” will be aware that today is a New Moon day.
Now I‘m sure that, like me, you didn’t get where you are today by doing more than necessary on any day of the week, however today you can sit back and relax and do absolutely nothing, (or in my case the same as I did yesterday, the day before, the day before that blah blah.)
A New Moon day is not a good day for doing anything and don’t even think about having a hair cut because you will wake up tomorrow with longer hair than before or completely bald.
Don’t believe me, well go on then, try it!
Popped my head in the greenhouse earlier this morning and was pleased, if not surprised to see that Pink Floyd has done the business with my exhibition onions which are now looking quite nicely thank you.
Can’t beat a bit of Brain Damage!
Talking of which I may well have contributed to a bit of damage to what's left of mine this week as the IPA delivered to the Fox last Friday ran out yesterday lunch time. OK it was only a 9 gallon barrel but, as the landlady was quick to point out when I had a moan last night, apparently I was responsible for disposing of at leat half of it.
Now I‘m sure that, like me, you didn’t get where you are today by doing more than necessary on any day of the week, however today you can sit back and relax and do absolutely nothing, (or in my case the same as I did yesterday, the day before, the day before that blah blah.)
A New Moon day is not a good day for doing anything and don’t even think about having a hair cut because you will wake up tomorrow with longer hair than before or completely bald.
Don’t believe me, well go on then, try it!
Popped my head in the greenhouse earlier this morning and was pleased, if not surprised to see that Pink Floyd has done the business with my exhibition onions which are now looking quite nicely thank you.
Can’t beat a bit of Brain Damage!
Talking of which I may well have contributed to a bit of damage to what's left of mine this week as the IPA delivered to the Fox last Friday ran out yesterday lunch time. OK it was only a 9 gallon barrel but, as the landlady was quick to point out when I had a moan last night, apparently I was responsible for disposing of at leat half of it.
But whose counting?!
Also today, at 7.06 GMT to be precise, there was an eclipse of the Sun that lasted for 11 mins and 7.7 secs , the longest eclipse of this millennium!
But don’t worry about having just missed it as it was only visible in Zaire, Kenya, the South of India, Bangladesh and China.
It was an annular eclipse which occurs when the Sun and Moon are exactly in line, but the apparent size of the Moon is smaller than that of the Sun. Hence the Sun appears as a very bright ring, or annulus, surrounding the outline of the Moon, thus giving it the popular, eye watering name of "The Ring of Fire".
(This video is NOT one for the ladies)
Coincidentally Janice and I went for a ruby last night so on that note I must hastily sign off.
Tuesday, 12 January 2010
Beam me up, Scottie
I hate January.
What can you do in this weather? And when it thaws everywhere will be flooded.
In desperation I took "Your Garden Week by Week" off the shelf to check what Arthur was doing in January 1936:
Chapter 1 January
General
Dig all available ground
God knows where he was living. This book cost 12s 6d in 1952, what a snip! Have returned it to the bookshelf.
No sign of my exhibition onions. Gave them an encouraging chat and left them listening to "Dark Side of the Moon". That should do the trick.
Following on from the trauma of finding Welsh Walter the genealogy trail took an even more alarming turn when I came across this entry in the 1901 Census:
Baltzer, Adolph, 53, preacher
GET ME OUTA HERE!
What can you do in this weather? And when it thaws everywhere will be flooded.
In desperation I took "Your Garden Week by Week" off the shelf to check what Arthur was doing in January 1936:
Chapter 1 January
General
Dig all available ground
God knows where he was living. This book cost 12s 6d in 1952, what a snip! Have returned it to the bookshelf.
No sign of my exhibition onions. Gave them an encouraging chat and left them listening to "Dark Side of the Moon". That should do the trick.
Following on from the trauma of finding Welsh Walter the genealogy trail took an even more alarming turn when I came across this entry in the 1901 Census:
Baltzer, Adolph, 53, preacher
GET ME OUTA HERE!
Friday, 8 January 2010
The Welsh Connection
Several years ago whilst sorting through my fathers papers I found my great grandparents original wedding certificate from 1866. They lived in Plummers Row Whitechapel next to the Whitechapel Bell Foundry. This prompted me to start researching my family history and as I was still at work I had plenty of time on my hands. For one reason and another I didn't progress very far but have now picked up the trail again. The information available on-line is now much better. There were 2 Baltzer families in the UK both living in Whitechapel (together with Jack the Ripper!) during the late 19th century, which made my job quite easy. The church in Alie Street where my great grandparents where married is still there and although services are no longer held on account of the shortage of German Lutherans in the area, it still opens it's doors to the public a few times a year.
St. George's German Lutheran Church
However yesterday the trail took an alarming turn.
I stumbled across one Walter Baltzer sowing his seed in the Swansea area during the early 1900's. I immediately contacted my old chum Evans in Cardiff to ask him to try and pick up the Welsh Baltzer trail. Some of you may remember Paul Evans when he was the manager at the Hawley Sports Centre before somehow managing to get a job as a rep for Greene King covering North London sports clubs. I think Greene King were more Greene than King at the time. After single-handedly stemming the march of GK further south he finally admitted defeat and retired back to his native South Wales. Like most Welshman he has a way with words, fortunately spoken and written rather than sung, and is well renowned in the Whitchurch area of Cardiff for his poetry. On reading one of my early entries he sent through the following adaption of the well known G&S ditty:
The flowers that bloom in the Spring, tra-la
Have nothing to do with the moon.
He’s really a clever old thing, tra-la,
And at the allotment he’s king, tra-la,
And not such a gardening loon!
And not such a gardening loon!
And that’s what we mean when we say or we sing,
Hoorah for the flowers that bloom in the Spring!
Tra-la-la-la-laa, Tra-la-la-la-laa, etc.
The veggies that grow on his plot, tra-la
Win Chris every kind of award.
The moon is a load of old rot, tra-la,
He’s not such a silly old clot, tra-la,
No wonder the old bugger’s scored.
No wonder the old bugger’s scored.
And that’s what we praise as we gleefully sing,
Hoorah for the flowers and veg in the Spring!
Tra-la-la-la-laa, Tra-la-la-la-laa, etc.
All together now!
St. George's German Lutheran Church
However yesterday the trail took an alarming turn.
I stumbled across one Walter Baltzer sowing his seed in the Swansea area during the early 1900's. I immediately contacted my old chum Evans in Cardiff to ask him to try and pick up the Welsh Baltzer trail. Some of you may remember Paul Evans when he was the manager at the Hawley Sports Centre before somehow managing to get a job as a rep for Greene King covering North London sports clubs. I think Greene King were more Greene than King at the time. After single-handedly stemming the march of GK further south he finally admitted defeat and retired back to his native South Wales. Like most Welshman he has a way with words, fortunately spoken and written rather than sung, and is well renowned in the Whitchurch area of Cardiff for his poetry. On reading one of my early entries he sent through the following adaption of the well known G&S ditty:
The flowers that bloom in the Spring, tra-la
Have nothing to do with the moon.
He’s really a clever old thing, tra-la,
And at the allotment he’s king, tra-la,
And not such a gardening loon!
And not such a gardening loon!
And that’s what we mean when we say or we sing,
Hoorah for the flowers that bloom in the Spring!
Tra-la-la-la-laa, Tra-la-la-la-laa, etc.
The veggies that grow on his plot, tra-la
Win Chris every kind of award.
The moon is a load of old rot, tra-la,
He’s not such a silly old clot, tra-la,
No wonder the old bugger’s scored.
No wonder the old bugger’s scored.
And that’s what we praise as we gleefully sing,
Hoorah for the flowers and veg in the Spring!
Tra-la-la-la-laa, Tra-la-la-la-laa, etc.
All together now!
Thursday, 7 January 2010
Bad Moon
I don't believe it!
Today I received the following email from Harrod Horticulture:
Dear Customer
With snowfall covering much of Britain we wanted to give you a reminder, as per your fruit cage instructions, to remove the roof netting from your fruit cage roof as, with the exception of our Decorative Fruit Cages (with a peak roof), they are not designed to carry excessive snow. If snow settles on a flat roofed cage there is a risk that the weight may collapse the framework, so by taking action you will save any damage to your cage. Alternatively if you wish to protect your crops with roof netting throughout the winter period but still get protection from snow damage, then we recommend that you replace it with 8cm/3” mesh anti-pigeon netting (GDN-073 on page 33 of our 2010 catalogue or search this code on the website). For assistance with calculating your requirements, please call our Customer Services Department on 0845 218 5301.
Let’s hope the weather clears up soon so that we can all begin gardening this year!
Kind Regards
Sabrina Lockwood
Two days too bloody late! What is wrong with these people?
Perhaps what it should have said is:
Dear Customer
With snowfall covering much of Britain we wanted to give you a reminder to skip along to your jolly old allotment and assess the damage to your spindly old fruit cage caused by the excessive snowfall. But best you hurry, for although we have ample stocks of replacement aluminium poles, fixings and netting (postage and packing extra), we are anticipating a big demand for these items because we deliberately didn't warn you in time!
blah, blah, blah
Perhaps it did until some young smart ass-wipe yuppee from the Sales and Marketing department got his sweaty paws on it!
As if that wasn't enough the bloody power cuts keep tripping out my greenhouse heating and propagating system causing me to tramp out through the snow at all hours to reset it.
What is the country coming to? It's enough to turn a man to drink!
Well if would be if the dray, now 2 days overdue, delivers some beer to the Fox.
The IPA (on offer @ £1.99 a pint) ran out 3 days ago forcing me to drink the full price Moorlands Original.
Greene King has gone right down the pan since in ventured out of Suffolk.
At least we saved the Test Match. Credit must go to the selectors for sending in a vegetable at number 11.
Why, only a week into the New Year, do I have this horrible feeling that 2010 will be the Year of Doom and Gloom?
Answers on a post-card please.
I feel a toon coming on!
Today I received the following email from Harrod Horticulture:
Dear Customer
With snowfall covering much of Britain we wanted to give you a reminder, as per your fruit cage instructions, to remove the roof netting from your fruit cage roof as, with the exception of our Decorative Fruit Cages (with a peak roof), they are not designed to carry excessive snow. If snow settles on a flat roofed cage there is a risk that the weight may collapse the framework, so by taking action you will save any damage to your cage. Alternatively if you wish to protect your crops with roof netting throughout the winter period but still get protection from snow damage, then we recommend that you replace it with 8cm/3” mesh anti-pigeon netting (GDN-073 on page 33 of our 2010 catalogue or search this code on the website). For assistance with calculating your requirements, please call our Customer Services Department on 0845 218 5301.
Let’s hope the weather clears up soon so that we can all begin gardening this year!
Kind Regards
Sabrina Lockwood
Two days too bloody late! What is wrong with these people?
Perhaps what it should have said is:
Dear Customer
With snowfall covering much of Britain we wanted to give you a reminder to skip along to your jolly old allotment and assess the damage to your spindly old fruit cage caused by the excessive snowfall. But best you hurry, for although we have ample stocks of replacement aluminium poles, fixings and netting (postage and packing extra), we are anticipating a big demand for these items because we deliberately didn't warn you in time!
blah, blah, blah
Perhaps it did until some young smart ass-wipe yuppee from the Sales and Marketing department got his sweaty paws on it!
As if that wasn't enough the bloody power cuts keep tripping out my greenhouse heating and propagating system causing me to tramp out through the snow at all hours to reset it.
What is the country coming to? It's enough to turn a man to drink!
Well if would be if the dray, now 2 days overdue, delivers some beer to the Fox.
The IPA (on offer @ £1.99 a pint) ran out 3 days ago forcing me to drink the full price Moorlands Original.
Greene King has gone right down the pan since in ventured out of Suffolk.
At least we saved the Test Match. Credit must go to the selectors for sending in a vegetable at number 11.
Why, only a week into the New Year, do I have this horrible feeling that 2010 will be the Year of Doom and Gloom?
Answers on a post-card please.
I feel a toon coming on!
Wednesday, 6 January 2010
Turned out nice again.
No words needed!
Remember last year?
2009
As you are well aware I didn't get where I am today by learning from my mistakes!
2010
Remember last year?
2009
As you are well aware I didn't get where I am today by learning from my mistakes!
2010
Monday, 4 January 2010
Essential Reading
As I have already said I don't pay much heed to the so called TV celebrity gardeners.
Here are some recommended proper gardening books:
“The Alternative Gardener” by William Rushton
“Diggers Diary” by Victor Osbourne
And for the serious gardeners amongst you:
“Your Garden Week by Week by A. G. L. Hellyer
First published in 1936 and now sadly out of print, but still obtainable and as relevant as the day it was first published.
The elder statesmen amongst you will of course remember Mr Digwell and his cartoon series which featured weekly in the Daily Mirror from the end of the second world war until the late 1980’s. Updated for the 21st century by Paul Peacock, “Back to the Garden with Mr. Digwell” has recently been published in book form.
Talking of newspapers, I once worked for The East Anglian Daily Times which also featured a weekly gardening column. On one unfortunate occasion it ran with the headline, “WHERE TO FORCE YOUR RHUBARB”. Perhaps the gardening editor was a fellow haemorrhoid sufferer!
I must sign off again now as the moon is just passing from the “Air” Constellation to the “Fire” Constellation which roughly translated means that I have a narrow window of opportunity for a visit to the small room.
I am hoping that “Tooning In” my bowel movements will have a favourable effect on my Chalfonts!
Finally, I’m sure that none of you need reminding but, as Mr. Digwell would advise, January is the last opportunity to sow your exhibition onions.
To know which are the optimum days you will need to be “In Toon”!
Hey Ho!
Here are some recommended proper gardening books:
“The Alternative Gardener” by William Rushton
“Diggers Diary” by Victor Osbourne
And for the serious gardeners amongst you:
“Your Garden Week by Week by A. G. L. Hellyer
First published in 1936 and now sadly out of print, but still obtainable and as relevant as the day it was first published.
The elder statesmen amongst you will of course remember Mr Digwell and his cartoon series which featured weekly in the Daily Mirror from the end of the second world war until the late 1980’s. Updated for the 21st century by Paul Peacock, “Back to the Garden with Mr. Digwell” has recently been published in book form.
Talking of newspapers, I once worked for The East Anglian Daily Times which also featured a weekly gardening column. On one unfortunate occasion it ran with the headline, “WHERE TO FORCE YOUR RHUBARB”. Perhaps the gardening editor was a fellow haemorrhoid sufferer!
I must sign off again now as the moon is just passing from the “Air” Constellation to the “Fire” Constellation which roughly translated means that I have a narrow window of opportunity for a visit to the small room.
I am hoping that “Tooning In” my bowel movements will have a favourable effect on my Chalfonts!
Finally, I’m sure that none of you need reminding but, as Mr. Digwell would advise, January is the last opportunity to sow your exhibition onions.
To know which are the optimum days you will need to be “In Toon”!
Hey Ho!
Sunday, 3 January 2010
Quality of Life
Being "in Toon" is not just about gardening.
The scope of cover is endless but I have summarised below the areas that will significantly improve your quality of life :
ANIMAL HUSBANDRY
When to cover your mare
When to trim your livestock’s feet
When to mate your rabbits
BEEKEEPING
Work with bees during Air and Fire constellations to benefit the Queen.
WINEGROWING
When to prune
When to harvest
(Haemorrhoid sufferers, please note, treatment and removal of bum grapes is not covered)
When to ferment
When to bottle
HAIRDRESSING (Optional for ageing hippies)
When to cut hair to slow down hair loss (too late for some of you I’m afraid)
When to cut hair to make it thicker and stronger
DEPILATION
Remove unwanted hair when the moon is descending and combine with a waning Moon to slow down regrowth. Obviously a complete waste of time at a Full Moon.
SKINCARE
Squeeze blackheads when the Moon is in the descendent and in an aspect with Venus.
WARTS, CORNS AND CALLOUSES
Know when to treat and remove.
NAILS
When to cut to avoid in-growing toe nails.
TREATMENT OF WORMS
Best treated 2-3 days before the New Moon or 2-3 days before the Full Moon.
TEETH
Avoid any treatment on the upper jaw when the Moon is passing through Aries.
Avoid any treatment on the lower jaw when the Moon is passing through Taurus.
Avoid any kind of fisticuffs during either of these periods.
SURGICAL PROCEDURES
When (i.e. under which Zodiac sign) to perform operations and on which organ.
For instance, surgical procedures on the bladder, urethra, genital organs, prostrate, colon, rectum, pubis and, curiously enough, the nose should be performed when the moon is in the sign of Scorpio. I think you will agree that, for chaps of our advancing years, this alone is a damned good reason to get “Tooned In”. Presumably the time to avoid these procedures is when the moon is anywhere near good old Cancer the Crab!
I could go on but I'm sure by now that you are hooked and can fully understand why “In Toon with the Moon 2010” was at the very top of my Christmas list.
More essential reading tomorrow!
The scope of cover is endless but I have summarised below the areas that will significantly improve your quality of life :
ANIMAL HUSBANDRY
When to cover your mare
When to trim your livestock’s feet
When to mate your rabbits
BEEKEEPING
Work with bees during Air and Fire constellations to benefit the Queen.
WINEGROWING
When to prune
When to harvest
(Haemorrhoid sufferers, please note, treatment and removal of bum grapes is not covered)
When to ferment
When to bottle
HAIRDRESSING (Optional for ageing hippies)
When to cut hair to slow down hair loss (too late for some of you I’m afraid)
When to cut hair to make it thicker and stronger
DEPILATION
Remove unwanted hair when the moon is descending and combine with a waning Moon to slow down regrowth. Obviously a complete waste of time at a Full Moon.
SKINCARE
Squeeze blackheads when the Moon is in the descendent and in an aspect with Venus.
WARTS, CORNS AND CALLOUSES
Know when to treat and remove.
NAILS
When to cut to avoid in-growing toe nails.
TREATMENT OF WORMS
Best treated 2-3 days before the New Moon or 2-3 days before the Full Moon.
TEETH
Avoid any treatment on the upper jaw when the Moon is passing through Aries.
Avoid any treatment on the lower jaw when the Moon is passing through Taurus.
Avoid any kind of fisticuffs during either of these periods.
SURGICAL PROCEDURES
When (i.e. under which Zodiac sign) to perform operations and on which organ.
For instance, surgical procedures on the bladder, urethra, genital organs, prostrate, colon, rectum, pubis and, curiously enough, the nose should be performed when the moon is in the sign of Scorpio. I think you will agree that, for chaps of our advancing years, this alone is a damned good reason to get “Tooned In”. Presumably the time to avoid these procedures is when the moon is anywhere near good old Cancer the Crab!
I could go on but I'm sure by now that you are hooked and can fully understand why “In Toon with the Moon 2010” was at the very top of my Christmas list.
More essential reading tomorrow!
Saturday, 2 January 2010
Tooning In
Want to know more?
To "Toon In" all you need to know is:
Is the moon waxing or waning?
Is the moon’s path across the sky ascending or descending?
Which constellation of the zodiac (grouped by Earth, Fire, Air and Water) is the moon passing in front of?
Which aspect of the plant needs to be stimulated?
SIMPLES!
Well it is, if you are armed with your copy of the relevant “In Toon with the Moon” yearbook.
All very interesting if you happen to be a keen gardener, you may be thinking.
But how wrong you can be, for being “in Toon with the Moon” is not just a complete day-by-day planner for growing but a day-by-day philosophy for living.
Your whole daily routine can be maximised and improved by simply “Tooning In”.
Hooked already?
to be continued ..............
To "Toon In" all you need to know is:
Is the moon waxing or waning?
Is the moon’s path across the sky ascending or descending?
Which constellation of the zodiac (grouped by Earth, Fire, Air and Water) is the moon passing in front of?
Which aspect of the plant needs to be stimulated?
SIMPLES!
Well it is, if you are armed with your copy of the relevant “In Toon with the Moon” yearbook.
All very interesting if you happen to be a keen gardener, you may be thinking.
But how wrong you can be, for being “in Toon with the Moon” is not just a complete day-by-day planner for growing but a day-by-day philosophy for living.
Your whole daily routine can be maximised and improved by simply “Tooning In”.
Hooked already?
to be continued ..............
Friday, 1 January 2010
Year of the Gold ?
Well here we are in January 2010, and the start of a new allotment year.
Following on from a very successful and productive 2009, I can now reveal the secret of my success.
As you may be aware, I didn’t get where I am today by taking the slightest bit of notice of the likes of Alan Marsh-Tit, Josey Swift or Carol Klone.
So, you may ask yourself, what is my successful formula?
Is it careful soil preparation, good plantsmanship or just plain hard work, patience and dedication?
Whilst a measure of all of the above is required, the essential element of successful growing is biodynamic gardening - the science of planting and harvesting by the moon.
Yes, my friends, in common with the Werewolves of London, I am “In Toon with the Moon”.
Today more and more gardeners are turning to the moon to discover the best time to plant, prune, weed, and harvest. This practice, known as moon or lunar gardening, focuses on the moon's gravitational effect on the flow of moisture in soil and plants and, to a lesser degree, the effect of moonlight on seed germination.
Want to know more?
Watch this space.
In the meantime I leave you with this:
“His hair was PERFECT”.
Following on from a very successful and productive 2009, I can now reveal the secret of my success.
As you may be aware, I didn’t get where I am today by taking the slightest bit of notice of the likes of Alan Marsh-Tit, Josey Swift or Carol Klone.
So, you may ask yourself, what is my successful formula?
Is it careful soil preparation, good plantsmanship or just plain hard work, patience and dedication?
Whilst a measure of all of the above is required, the essential element of successful growing is biodynamic gardening - the science of planting and harvesting by the moon.
Yes, my friends, in common with the Werewolves of London, I am “In Toon with the Moon”.
Today more and more gardeners are turning to the moon to discover the best time to plant, prune, weed, and harvest. This practice, known as moon or lunar gardening, focuses on the moon's gravitational effect on the flow of moisture in soil and plants and, to a lesser degree, the effect of moonlight on seed germination.
Want to know more?
Watch this space.
In the meantime I leave you with this:
“His hair was PERFECT”.
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